Ze French are coming...

My good friend Justine came over from Britanny to visit yesterday. She's not actually French, but has been living there for the past couple of years and certainly speaks the lingo better than I ever could (despite my mother being fluent in French and Spanish AND being a former full-time languages teacher). It was good to see her, she's a link back to a different time back in newbury, when I was much more of a screw-up than I am now, I think.

In an odd way, she's a reminder of the real world to me. It's kind of easy for me to be locked away in my room with my radiator and my gaming books and laptop and forget about the real world, just as long as I stick to my writing quota then everything's fine as far as I'm concerned. Then I go online and talk to Justine and it reminds me that some people have to work 12 hours a day every day for very little money and it can wear you down after time.

Now, I'm not trying to comment on her life, I have a great deal of respect for her (although don't tell her I said that), since she works at what was her parent's dream, to make it happen for them, and it's helped her a great deal as well, it's just not easy and there's no real end in sight.

We all have to work, we all have to flail around with money and banks and councils and officials and people that tell you that you're wrong and you owe them and whatever... I guess in my life I've been quite fortunately sheltered from a lot of this, but I've had almost my share, I think.

So, hats off to the French girl, it's good to see her and it's good to know that she's doing okay. Now, back to being mean to her!

In other news, I got the essay back, the one that I ranted a fair deal about in a previous post. You want to know what I got?

66%. That's a 2:1.

Now, I have no idea what I did to deserve that. My essay was largely drivel stuck together with consistent sub-headings and sarcasm. I can't believe that Sara gave me the mark she did, even after she explained why to me I still can't quite get my head around it. I'll actually qoute some for you now:

"But that's just what I think, and what do I know? So, to find a collection of pretentious Frenchmen who've been dead for forty years to back up my claims, then my essay can be considered to have some academic weight."

And that got a 2:1. I mean, can you believe it? Apparently if I'd dropped all the sarcasm (which would have involved a fair amount of cutting, around 30% of the essay), then it would have been 1st territory, according to Sara. It's baffling, I know that I'm not that clever, why don't they?

Been talking about the French a lot, apparently, there's all sorts of influences they have. Half the characters in my latest novel attempt are French (that's Imperia, for those of you in the know), a fair few in Servants of God are French, by neccessity (they were there, after all).

I should reconsider learning French, perhaps.

SKYLINE.

Well, I can safely say that if I hadn't seen the Clash of the Titans remake at the start of the year, then this would have been the worst film of 2010. As it stands, it's the second worst.

Aliens invade Los Angeles. Survivors hole up in an apartment and watch some of the carnage, waiting for a chance to escape. Air wars outside. Giant monsters. Hynotic blue lights.

And it SUCKS?!

I mean, this is the kind of thing that I actually *like* movies to be about! This has all the ingredients for a movie that I would really, really like to enjoy! But somehow, this movie went from a promising opening 45 seconds to the biggest waste of 90 minutes since the Titans remake. I mean seriously, it's not hard to do this kind of thing, given all those ingredients and a half decent special effects budget then you can actually make an enjoyable movie without getting out of bed.

I mean, look at Cloverfield, look at District 9, look at Alien, all of these were shot on a shoestring and all of them were frickin' awesome movies.

This films has two main flaws and they're normally the ones I don't pick on, since I'm normally focussed on the writing side of things. They are:

ACTING and DIRECTING.

Acting. Now, don't let me say that I judge people on the quality of their name, but Eric Balfour and Donald 'Turk from Scrubs' Faison don't instantly inspire confidence when you hear that they're the title cast. I'm all for giving little players a chance, but if they're going to simply phone it in like they did in this movie, then screw 'em. Even the owls had more conviction.

Directing. The Brothers Strause need to be taken out behind a barn and shot. Repeatedly. While being filmed. Without any CGI. These guys couldn't make a decent movie if someone else did it for them. These guys are such talentless wastes of space that I'm pretty sure my pneumonia-stricken puppy could have done a better job at inserting tension and narrative into this movie.

This film drags its knuckles through overly shiny alien monsters and drools quietly in the face of cool as it speeds on by, oblivious to the fact that it sucks. Because at least the creatures are pretty, right? And the CGI? More CGI, yeah?

Mind you, this movie does have one thing going for it. When Battle: Los Angeles comes out next year (a film about aliens invading Los Angeles that's actually inspired by real events), this movie will make B:LA look AMAZING by comparison.

Next up: MACHETE

Third Draft

So I'm going into the third draft of my screenplay, Servants of God, which will hopefully change the nature of the central character, pack in some more action and improve the general quality of the material. I can but hope. It's been a while that I've been working on it and I'm not quite sick of it yet, so hopefully I won't be until the time I have to hand it in, in May.

You know, of all the essays and projects and assignments we've got for our third year, this one isn't worrying me. It probably should, since it's the biggest and most important one we've got, but I, for some reason, have faith in myself to pull it off. I have absolutely no justification for that faith, but then I suppose that's what faith is all about, eh?

I know that I'm way ahead of the pack with this script, some people still haven't decided what they're going to be writing about, but I know that I can't get too cocky, just have to keep chipping away at it and it'll all be okay. Ish. Maybe.

So in other news... actually, I'm struggling to think of any. I'm off to newbury later today, in about ten minutes I think, as soon as Idge arrives to drive me back and forth. She's a good mate to have like that, since I'm staying with her as well.

Better that than my previous place, that's for sure. Things were getting somewhat awkward there.

I'm working on getting me a copy of Rogue Trader, the third WH40K roleplay book, mainly because I think it has the most potential amongst the three games they've done for actual exploration and character development. But we'll see. Yeah, that really is it for the news, I really don't have much to discuss right now. I'll think of something for next time.

THE LEGEND OF THE GUARDIANS:
----THE OWLS OF GA'HOOLE----

Now you look at a title like that and you think, whutdafuggisat? That's the worst kind of fantasy title right there. All fantasy has to include weird sounding names for things that are normally possessed of at least one apostraphe (*cough* long live Quan'Kira'an *cough*), but putting them in the actual title? Oooh, not a good move.

So yes, this is a film that's one part Lord of the Rings, one part Star Wars, one part Lion King and seven parts CGI all mixed together with a hefty drizzle of Owls. Yes, almost all the characters are owls and they are voiced by a massive plethora of vocal talent, including Helen Mirren, Geoffry Rush, Sam Niell, David Wenham and Hugo Weaving, to name a few.

This film is nothing you haven't seen before.

All of the story elements are taken from somewhere else, all of the characters are standard fantasy archetypes and there's nothing original in this movie. That sounds a bit harsh, but we've got to remember that this is primarily a kids film, so lets look at it from that angle, since kids probably haven't seen Lord of the Rings or Star Wars (although they should definately see the Lion King) and won't for some time. So in that respect it should conjour up all the feelings that those films inspire in older audiances, in which case... okay then.

The only real problem with it being a kids film is that it's full of a sense of urgency that doesn't make sense to us oldies. They get captured RIGHT AWAY. They learn to fly RIGHT AWAY. They're chased out of the evil owl kingdom RIGHT AWAY. They make new friends RIGHT AWAY yadda yadda yadda. It gets a bit old how nobody seems to pause for breath every now and then, but again, it's a kids film (although I should make it clear that I don't like kids, in case you didn't know that already). The only really interesting part of this movie is who its director is.

Zack frickin' Snyder.

So yes, there is a ton of slow-motion, metal claw weilding, ariel owl-on-owl action and yes, it's almost as brutal as 300 and Watchmen. I mean, getting Zack to do a kids film... you might as well get Eli Roth, it's just surprising is all. But of course, because it's Snyder, the film is brilliantly choreographed and the graphics are flawless. That's not much in terms of making up for the rest, but it'll do.

After all, it's a kids film, right?

Next time: Skyline.

NovemBEARD

So it turns out that my last post was actually my one year anniversary of blogging on this particular sight and YAY, look at all the prestige and power that it has brought me. I'm still a screenwriting student, I still live in Southampton, I'm still profoundly single and I still spend most of my nights tapping away at manuscripts that'll never see the light of day.

Anyway, this is the month of November, also know as NovemBEARD, in which men, manly men that is, grow excessive amounts of facial hair and strut it proudly in a vague relation to supporting testicular cancer research. Or breast cancer research. One of them. I've never been much of a beard man. The one time I did actually grow one was when I first moved to Solent and managed to forget my razor, which my parents brought down to me seven weeks later (no point in buying a new one, I thought). It wasn't a particularly impressive beard, more of a fuzzy chin-strap really.

Why I'm actually partaking of NovemBEARD I'm not quite sure, since the quite bright ginger of my facial hair will severely clash with my dark brown hair, so I'll probably have to shave my head in order to keep the beard, but that'll probably be around the end of November, in which case I'll be stuck like that for a while. Ah well, what's the worst that can happen, I'll look like a thug again? Maybe the next time I intervene in a pair of chavs starting on people in a bus stop (must tell that story some time), they'll be scared off by my bizarre appearence.

So. Essay. (Told you I'd complain about it, didn't I)

"To exist, the body requires language." - Discuss.

I hate this essay that we've got at the moment. We've had our fair share of them over this course and normally they're a bit irritating but fine to get to grips with. Even the dreaded Ian McKay's 2nd Year legendary essay title:

"In the Secular Age, there is an increasing pressure being placed on the media industries to offer a clear view of the role of the citizen in the 21st Century." - Discuss this statement in relation to the term 'Social Capital'...

... didn't garner as much discontent from the class. (I'm writing this section on the 14th, since I kinda left it for a few days again. By this time I've actually finished the essay and handed it in, expecting my failing grade any day now).

The problem with "To exist, the body requires language" is that we then have to reference one of only five movies to discuss in relation too, then have to draw sources from critical theory. Now, critical theory is a MASSIVE waste of time at the best of times, but in support of this subject, with such a limited basis of movies to choose from, makes this task both dull and constrictive. Those movies, in case you were interested:

- 120 Days of Sodom (don't look it up)
- The Night Porter (intensly boring)
- The Servant (almost as bad again)
- Hedwig and the Angry Inch
- Bent (interesting concept, didn't see it)

The only reason I didn't add any parantheticals for Hedwig was because it was the film I chose to reference. Each movie was supposed to talk about a high concept (The Servant was about class struggle, Bent was about oppression of homosexuality and so on), but the major problem with all these films is that they were sodding BORING. This is not a good thing.

Now, call me a philistine, but if I've got to sit and listen to someone's opinion on yadda yadda subject 9 I don't normally care about, at least make the film FUN to start off with? That way, people actually pay attention. Look at District 9 for feck's sake! So yes, Hedwig was the only film present that was actually entertaining to watch in the first place.

So. Did my essay. It's full of sarcasm.

Wow, this turned into a very long post.

R etired
E xtremely
D angerous

Now we've been looking forwards to this one for a while, haven't we? There's been a slew of team-based action movies this year, what with the Losers, the A-Team, the Expendables and Predators and RED is now up there with that lot in terms of content, but a lot higher than some in terms of quality (you know who you are).

So a retired CIA hatchetman is targeted by a bunch of Agency Killers in an inside job headed by Karl Urban and they quickly find that they've bitten off far more than they can chew. Hilarity and action ensue as their primary target, Willis, bands together his old cronies in order to take down the conspiricy against them.

Well, what can I say, really? You've got a film with Bruce Willis, John Malkovitch, Morgan Freeman, Helen Mirren and Brian sodding Cox taking on people a good forty years their juniour and kicking their collective backsides in well-paced, well-thought out action. The youngest good guy contributer is Mary-Louise Parker as a possibly out of place love interest, but she makes up for it by being plain sultry. Why producers must always shovel in a love interest, even when there isn't any need for one, I have no idea, but hey ho, let's get on with it.

The film is perfectly good, the action is very satisfying, the plot is just the right amount of backseat to the aforementioned action and the acting is... well, how do you think it is with those names at the top of the list? My only real problem with the plot of the movie is the 'double death' of one of the characters, since we kind of expected him to come back the second time as well, it wasn't quite serious enough second time around. After that, this is a perfectly functional movie with plenty of entertainment to be had within it.

I doubt this is going to be one of those action films that can stick it out in the long run, however, like Shoot 'em Up or Crank, which is a shame considering the cast list. It's probably one of those that'll fade in our memories after a little while, but I can live with that. It was great while it lasted.

Helen Mirren? She STILL got it.

Next up: The damned Owl movie.

Remember Remember...

I have recently discover, on the Escapist forums, a thread entitled 'It's November 5th, what are you going to be doing?'. The list of activities then listed as options were 'Nothing' and 6 variations on 'Watching V for Vendetta'.

Now... I'm not one to mock ignorance... no... wait... yes I am.

In my reply I posted 'that's like asking people what they're going to be doing on the 4th of July, killing aliens or smoking cigars with Jeff Goldblum?'. It kind of staggers me to think that someone actually believes that Alan Moore came up with November 5th as a holiday in order to write a graphic novel about it, which then became a much poorer movie. Still, it's been a while since I was on a forum site, it might help to infantalise my mind, or at least give me a non-porn based reason to spend hours on the internet at a time. Go me.

On the other front, November 5th is the birthday of one of our most treasured classmates, WILL SALE, founding member of the Knights... of CLUNGE, and general all-round legend. It was a good night, with much things being burned (it being Bonfire night after all), many things being liberated from nearby gardens in order to be burned, much shot-ing that Will managed a great deal better than his predecessors and a plethora of gifts. Will's one of these people that it's just great to help him celebrate, and we were at it for hours. Many of them.

Will is now the proud owner of his very own Knights... of CLUNGE tshirt, which'll make the rounds so that everyone in that most august of organisations can have one, then we can go to parties together and be mocked for it. Good times.

In other news, my phone is well and truly screwed (it now only works half the time), the plug for my bath is completely clogged and will no longer drain water and it feels like we're up to our ears in assessments. Que essay whinging for next post.

Good times. Oh yeah.

LET ME IN.

So, a good while back me and Ad tried to watch Let The Right One In, a Swedish Vampire movie that apparently had true vampire fans sharpening their pointy teeth and squealing in girlish delight since none of their creatures of the night sparkled. Truth be told, we got 40 minutes into it and turned it off. It was very, very slow and very, very unstimulating. We decided that we'd have to give it another go at some point, but we were just too tired to put the effort into that film at the time. Also, we'd just watched Flame and Citreon, a Danish film about WW2 Resistance Fighters, which was much more up-paced and frantic. If you haven't heard of/seen that movie, you HAVE TO check it out.

Then Coates invites me to come see Let Me In with him on an advanced viewing. We get the train, we go to Crawley, we see this absolutely MASSIVE Cineworld, we get in, we sit down, film begins.

Now, I haven't seen all of Let The Right One In, but the first half an hour might as well have been a shot-for-shot remake, with the exception of the prologue sequence in the ambulance.

This gave me a much better sense of the original film, since this one was pretty much exactly the same, even down to the visual style, as far as I could tell. Now, nothing can stop America trying to remake foriegn language films, especially popular foriegn language films, but it's always seemed like such a waste of time to me. This kind of film is probably one of the worst culprits in that regard, since it's a near-enough carbon copy of Let The Right One In. But at the same time, it's actually quite a good movie. It's tense, it's dark, it's well shot, it's well acted, there's a lot of little details that really bring it to life... which almost in a way makes it worse.

You can be okay with Quarrantine being a crap remake of [rec], but this actually threatens the original film in a way that wasn't really expected. I'd say you could see either one and be satisfied, but that feels a bit unfair to the hard-working Swedish crew who put a lot of blood (heh, pun), sweat and tears into their film, only to have it remade near as damnit, by a bunch of yanks. But decent work is decent work, and I can't blame the Americans under Matt Reeves for doing a good job, as much as I think they should be blamed for it. It's a confusing world, eh? I'm sure I'll go back and watch all of the Swedish movie one day, but the American one is just as good and half an hour shorter.

Next up: RED.