DecemBEARD

Well, with my faith fully restored in the democratic process, I set out into December with a face covered in ginger fuzz. I shall explain what I mean by that. Since last month was the month of NovemBEARD, I decided that perhaps I should make a go of this facial hair malarky and keep on going. So I sent out a text and a couple of MSN windows asking for my friends to vote on whether or not I should keep the monstrosity.

The results were:
In favour - 14
Against - 6
Abstain - 6

So, of the 26 people that were invited to vote, 6 didn't bother answering and the majority of the rest wish to see my face continue its covering. Not that it's a very impressive covering, a lot of guys I know could twice the beard I could in half the time, but this isn't something my face is used too, so maybe it'll pick up as I go along. Grasby also suggested that I carry on into MANuary, but I think I shall have another vote.

Might be sick of it by then.

What else I am sick of is my inability to get some sleep when I think it's a good idea and it's been an appropriate amount of time since I last got up. One day I'm gonna scribble down my sleeping and waking times in order to show people just what I'm like, and I bet they won't believe it.

So here I am at 4am sitting cross-legged in my dressing gown on my bed without any lights on, staring at this bright white screen in order to tap these pointless little words. Figure I'm running out of things to say, although I know there are things I want to talk about in my blog. Maybe.

Maybe, from next year, I'll try and talk about my life a bit more, that sounds like a resolution sort of thing. Not sure if I could pad it out to one-issue-per-blog... I probably have too many issues for that, but I could give it a go. Maybe. Then at least you'll be relieved to get to the film review.

Speaking of:

MACHETE.

Now, I am against downloading. Even through legal channels, even if I were paying for it, I'm against downloading. Mainly because it has such piratical connotations (and not the swashbuckling kind) and also because I have no idea how it works. That level of technology is alien to me. So, it should come as a surprise when I say that I watched a downloaded copy of this movie. But I shall tell you why I did this.

NOWHERE in Southampton was showing it. Not Cineworld, not Harbour Lights, not Odeon... just Tom's front room late on a friday evening. Now, that would normally disqualify this film for review in my own little rules because I wish to only review films I'd seen in the cinema but damnit, I wanted to talk about this movie because I'd been looking forwards to it for quite some time. So, downloaded copy it is.

Pretty much everything about this film is bad.

But then, that was the whole idea, wasn't it?

The characters are pretty shallow and predictable, the action is cheesy and over-the-top and the plot is twisted around and back again to the point of ridiculousness. But that was the point of this movie in the first place! Machete is a tribute to the exploitation movies of the seventies, specifically calling itself Mexploitation due to its Latin flavour and leading cast (the indomitable Danny Trejo, the fiesty Michelle Rodriguez and the undeniable Cheech Marin, hells yeah!) and it does everything in its power not to disappoint those flicks.

This is a fast moving, hugely violent, slick, sexy movie with a hell of a lot of underlaying message concerning immigration and cultural differences between the States and Mexico, with an all star cast (as well as the names above count in Jessica Alba, Jeff Fahey, Tom Savini, Steven Seagal and mo-fo'in' ROBERT DENIRO) and enough outrageous fight scenes to satisfy anyone. This is a movie that takes no prisoners and makes you laugh the whole way through, but it isn't perfect, it's cheap and nasty too.

The only real downside I had with this movie is the same one I had back with Black Dynamite and the actual Grindhouse movies of Planet Terror and Deathproof, the plots are really, really convoluted in places and they can be really difficult to follow. Black Dynamite was probably the worst for it, but this up there as well with being damn difficult to keep up with sometimes. Other than that, this is a highly enjoyable movie. Check it out and don't under any circumstances, take it seriously!!

Next one is: UNSTOPPABLE