Done

Done. Finished. Completed. Finito. Handed in.

Holy Christ, what do I do with my life now?






















A TURTLE'S TALE:
SAMMY'S ADVENTURES.

Honestly? This kind of film is the reason that kids are getting stupider. One of the things that makes me say this is the amount of space between lines of dialogue. It may seem like a little thing, but listen for it in the next film you see, just how much of a pause there is between one actor finishing his line and the next one starting his. Because in good films, there's a fair amount of pausing so that the lines can be considered and digested. In films like this one, it's relayed at you so quickly that you just can't care about what's being said.

(There's an exception to every rule of course and in the case of this rule it's Aaron Sorkin, he can get his guys to talk as fast as he wants.)

This film charts the life of a turtle from hatchling to grandfather (which is voiced by John Hurt, serving as the narrator, he's clearly scraping the bottom of the barrel with films like this). Sammy spends most of his life drifting across the world, looking for his one true love and never really doing anything productive. The film is supposed to educate about the dangers of man contributing to the destruction of the oceans and global warming, but it neatly manages to side-step actually talking about the issues in favour of some poor turtle facial animation.

Basically, if this is the kind of competition that Pixar have to put up with, then they are in absolutely no danger from this quarter. I mean, Dreamworks Animated give them a decent run for their money with stuff like Megamind and How To Train Your Dragon, but this sort of thing is aimed for kids and didn't even entertain all that many of them, from what I saw. I can't quite believe that I saw this film in the end, but here we are, talking about it, using up one of my slots for the month. Could have seen something different. But no, Kren asked me to steward. Sigh.

Next time: YOUR HIGHNESS