Like You Did In Goa!

So, Hindu wedding time! For me this happened back on the last weekend of August, the one that had a Bank Holiday Monday on the end of it. Now, my cousin Clare (like me, pale as the driven snow) has married a Hindu bloke, Aron. Aron's a great laugh and has been 'with' the family for a while now, first met him a few years ago and nobody was surprised when the wedding got announced, mostly they were thinking 'about time too'.

So finally it's time for them to get married and we're told that there's two ceremonies, one on the sunday and one on bank holiday monday. The first one is a Hindu ceremony while the second one is a White Wedding (and it's called that because the colour of the dress, not because I'm as racist as I might sound in the next few paragraphs, that's a fun warning to give). So we set off to Wolverhampton at 7:30 in the morning.

My parents were here for it, my brother had just finished work (so he'd been up for about 24 hours by the end of it) and we get to the funtion hall in Wolverhampton. My mum finds all the bridesmaids in the ladies' loo trying to put saari's on with the air od youtube on their iphones and a few cousins and uncles of mine are standing around, so we join them.

At this point, it should be noted that we were the odd ones out in skin tone, there may as well have been a sign hanging over our heads that read 'confused white people'. Then people start filing out of the hall and we all think 'do we follow them?'. So being good Brits, we do exactly that, walk out the door, fifty feet down the road and then turn a corner. When we get there, we see the groom being hoisted onto a horse.

A horse.

Now quite frankly, any wedding that I go to from now on that does not include a horse? I shall be disappointed. I shall inform the wedded couple that their wedding featured no horses and I shall be miffed for the whole day. Getting back to saturday morning however, we then follow the groom as he rides this horse round the corner, back the fifty feet we just strolled and then gets off it again. While we're all scratching out heads, my cousin Claire arrives and she looks absolutely divine in this red and gold traditional Hindu dress and headgarb that they have her in. It looked awkward to move in, but it certainly caught all eyes.

She is walked up to the tent by her entire family (and there were a few of us there) and then the ceremony starts. We actually had no idea that the ceremony had started, because the parents, couple and priest are all in a tent and the rest of us don't matter. All the other guests (who were used to this) were all having samosas, texting and chatting away. Never seen anything like it. We were told that this was an abridged ceremony, lasting only an hour and a half, unlike the three-day ones that you can get. Also, no sense of personal space, people were just going up and leaning in to this tent, taking photos and eating all those samosas.

When this is drawn to a close, the group all moves over to the dance floor and tables and the food is brought round, then first of our Punjabi Disco's is kicked off and then there's four or so hours of dancing. Oh yes, the Hindi Beats went on for long after we left, we were there for a good few of those hours with our family, then my brother really needed some sleep, so we headed back. He got to get a few hours before he had work again that night. In the meantime, my parents and I packed up our stuff and headed out to Chalfont the next day for Wedding-stage 2.

We had a big family barbecue, then checked into the hotel where the wedding was taking place. We gave Aron the room that dad had booked for my brother (because he was still working). The next morning my brother drives up to Chalfont straight from work and does the second of his megalithic days (think this one was 31 hours or so) and we go to our second wedding ceremony (we understood this one), our second wedding meal (sadly, no samosas) and our second Punjabi Disco. In between were some moving speeches, some good family moments and a fair amount of cake. My uncle's brass band played some Glenn Miller classics before the disco though, and there was some serious dancing going on there, my brother is a smooth operator with the ladies when the trumpets get going. Then as the disco started, some dude with a thick Indian accent tells me that I must 'Bust a move! I saw you on Saturday! Bust that move! Like you did in Goa!'

I have never been to Goa, but I can certainly bust a move with the best of them.

By 1am, I'd carried my brother to bed and was amongst the last standing, me and one of the bridesmaid's boyfriends helped carry Aron back to his room, while Claire watched and chortled. Got to wonder why she only chose bridesmaids who had boyfriends or were related to me though, no pulling there.

I remember when we were kids and Claire was this little bratty girl who always wanted to get her way and seemed annoyingly smarter than me. Well, she's still smarter than me, but she's grown out of the rest. I really do wish her, Aron and their burgeoning family business well.

It was an epic weekend.

LAWLESS.

Wasn't expecting to see this movie and it didn't go down well with Corn Exchange audiances. Who did it go down well with? Me, that's who. This was a great film, and I normally can't stand Shia LeTwatface, this was a geat film for him and an even better one for Tom Hardy (who said about eight words and managed to have the presence of particularly angry Titan throughout). Hats off also to Jason Clarke and Guy Pearce for their truly great performances.

This was a brutal, bloody film with a great story and some quality grit to it. It was halfway between a Western and a Gangster film and had all that I wanted from both. While it was based on a book by the descendant of Shia's character, it didn't seem biased towards these violent thugs, but they were endearing characters who knew what they'd gotten themselves into. The personal legend of Forrest being unable to die was a real clincher in how vital he was to the story.

I'd heartily recommend this film to anyone who has a strong enough stomach for it.

Next up: GOOD COP (from the BBC)