Saturday, 31 December 2011

2011

Well, since December 5th, this is my second day off. My first was Christmas Day.

Happy New Year guys. I like New Years. I get a day off. Why the hell am I still typing?

THE THING

I did enjoy this film, but at the same time I couldn't help but feel that it just didn't quite live up to the work of John Carpenter. That's an iconic film and I don't think that anyone should have tried remaking it without some seriously new ideas about what to do for it. This film did not have some seriously new ideas, it just had some new CGI.

The main problem was that the aforementioned CGI was so shiny that the producers clearly wanted it cranked out as quickly as possible, thus making the film just a bit too suspense-less, since we saw the monster within the first twenty or so minutes. Don't get me wrong, it was cool looking, though, they ceratinly got what the whole body horror thing was about.

I'd give this film about a 5.5 out of 10 if I were going by a number system, there was some decent action and a few bits of nice imagery, one very neat ending sequence that neatly ties it into the John Carpenter film (of which this is supposed to be both a remake and a prequel) and smoe bearable acting. On the whole though, too much noise, too many non-characters.

But Mary Elizabeth Winstead is still hot.

First of Next Year: HUGO

Friday, 30 December 2011

So Very Tired

So what with all the work I'm doing at the moment, and the dental surgery, and the helping my brother where I can, I was also attempting to move house. It turns out that I'm probably not going to get the flat that myself and Kerry were after, since both of our employers let us down on the credit rating checks. To be honest, we probably shouldn't have tried to move at Christmas time.

But that doesn't make it any less annoying to us. I mean, both our bosses are busy people, we know this, they work as hard as we do (he says, not quite believing it), but they could have done a better job of this for us. It's our future they're screwing over by not being on the ball. I know for a fact that I'm more prompt and more reliable at my job than my boss... but I don't want to sound like I'm bitching, so I won't talk about it anymore.

Gah, I'm not going to think about it anymore. I mean, trying to move house straight after all this panto work would probably have finished me off. I woke up this morning with sexy blues singer voice, or hacky death voice as Moina would put it. I started coughing a lot, the dressing on one of my teeth came off completely today, so it's fully exposed now and... I...

I'm so tired I could cry.

YOUNG JAMES HERRIOT.

Don't know why I wanted to talk about this show, but when I was looking around for one last thing to review for the year, I could only think of this, so this I shall talk about. I don't mean to be stalking the burgeoning career of Iain de Caestecker, but will be the second show in which he took a leading part that I'll be talking about in the last few days.

The series follows the beginning of university for young man by the name of James Herriot, who would go on in reality to become an exceptional vet and renowed author. Of course, in reality James Herriot was a page name for James Alfred Wight, while the series simply calls him Herriot, thus pushing it even further into the 'fictionalised' zone.

The main thing that struck me about this series was the underused potential. Like all BBC produced period pieces, it's gorgeous and has all the right Scottish accents. But like all BBC produced series that feature Amy Manson (a survivor of Being Human and Outcasts), something went wrong. Not that Amy was the cause, but she just seems to be around when it happens.

Basically, with all the build up to the Mid-War Politics (including some fiesty racism) and all the gender issues that were being thrown about, as well as the general meat and potatoes that goes with a character like Herriot learning his new trade and making all the mistakes and engaging in learning and all that... I was kind of expecting something a bit heftier.

Part of the problem was that there were only three episodes, making it quite difficult to get to grips with itself, it didn't quite find its own groove, despite having all the right pieces in the right places, none of it actually came together. It's like having all the right ingredients for a good cake and then accidently buying a prepacked one that looked better than it tasted.

Mind you, it got good performances out of Curran, de Caestecker and Mason, so it could have been worse. What does confuse me about the whole thing in the first place was why did anyone at the BBC think, James Herriot, everyone knows who he is, right? Everyone will want to see that. I'll watch almost anything, but even I was hesitant about this. Still, at least Ab Fab was indeed Fab.

Last for the year: THE THING

Thursday, 29 December 2011

Just Painful

I was gonna talk about another writing project but quite frankly, I've been having an absolute dog of a month and I thought I'd just whine about that instead. That's kinda what a blog's all about, isn't it? An excuse to vent? Or at least a venue to do so. So yeah... my ridiculous month so far.

I was in Brighton to visit my Moina and came back on the 5th. I then immeadiately had my first dental appointment, to have three fillings and then a rather tough extraction. I then had work at Rios, pretty much straight away. After that, I worked nineteen more days. The majority of those were more than twelve hours.

In this time, I had nine more fillings and another extraction, as well as trying to arrange the new flat that Kerry and I are looking to move into. On top of this, my brother is having a bleak period and I had to bend over backwards to try and arrange a Christmas for him despite not being in the same town as him.

So yeah.

I had Christmas Day off and had to make a snappish return to work on the morning of Boxing Day and I've been doing twelve hour days apart from today itself. Today I had my fourth dental appointment in this series of operations. The fillings went just fine (three more), but then my dentist said that the last one should probably just be extracted, since it was pretty badly rotted. I said fine, and he then attempted to get it out.

No such luck.

After being late for work due to this appointment, I then found that the dressing put on this now-mauled tooth started to crumble almost immeadiately and my tooth started to ache if I put it in certain positions. Added to this, Mark of Rios may have screwed over our chance at getting the new flat by telling the Credit Check agency that Kerry has already left Rios and so therefore will go registered to them as unemployed.

Not a good day. Still, it's only four more days until the end of panto and things go back to normal.

WE HAVE A POPE.

This film was a surprise to me, I didn't see it coming at all. A comedy about the selection of the successor to the Pope? Brilliant! The choice gets cold feet at the last moment and the Vatican has to cover up that he's gone into hiding? Fantastic idea! This was a film with so much potential.

The sad part of this film was not that it didn't reach that potential, beacuse it did about 95% of the time. It was an incredibly warm, thought provoking film about the pressures that we can put on a single man's shoulders. The cardinals playing volleyball was an inspired sequence, that's for true.

Things that didn't work, the first psychoanalist character, what purpose did he serve? I genuinely thought that they were going to get him to track down the runaway Pope, that's what it seemed like he was heading for plot-wise. No, instead he stayed indoors and organised the volleyball for the first (and only) heat.

No, the true 5% downer was the end of the end of the movie. Why, movie? Why did you hurt me? Why was that last line neccessary? Couldn't we have had the happy ending that the film was actually building towards? Should I bring out the Donkey Punch reference again? For old times' sake?

Tomorrow: Young James Herriot.

As a side note... this appears to have been my 100th post in this blog. Hmm. Cool.

Lockdown

Well, Lockdown. I started work on Lockdown back in 2007, before I even went to university. It turned quickly into a sprawling epic of space, crime, magic and murder. Frequent, frequent murder. You see, Lockdown was the first time that I'd tried to actually write down one of my role-play games into story form. My group for this game were Andy, Marsh, Ade, Dave and Jon.

I figured, why not? My part in this game was that of ST, which means Storyteller, so surely it'd fit into a novel, right? Kinda. I mean, there was a lot from the game that simply didn't make it into the novel, there was a lot of trimming and subtle character alterations, mainly because I had no idea what my players were doing half the time. Not sure they did either.

What I recall most fondly about the game of Lockdown was that I had a nice, neat plot laid out, I had options for them and where I wanted them to go and what I wanted them to do... then they shot it all in the first session and all I could think to do afterwards was let them do what they want and I'd try to kill them every week. That's how the game worked, really.

So yeah, Davan, T, Grissom, Torn, Shore Bound and Twitchy. They were a motely crew of murderous scum whose morals were so ambiguous that half the time they were as likely to attack their allies as they were their enemies, but always come up with a reasonable justification for it during or slightly afterwards. These were my heroes, and I had to define my story around them.

To be honest, I'm still proud of what I managed to pull out of that game and try and forge into a coherent story. On the isolated space station of Neutral 3, a Lockdown means being trapped on the station while a war rages in the cold void of space around them. It can last for days or it can last for years. For our protagonists, it lasted around six months and Lockdown is the story of just what they had to do to survive within those sealed walls. With crime lords, gangers, witches and freaks, it's no surprise that these guys left a bloody swathe behind them. And it was fun.

WUTHERING HEIGHTS.

This was not fun. I've never read the book, but I'm told by everyone who has that it's a painful, dark, dreary, bitter story about horrible people who eventually all get what they deserve. Or so I'm informed. I think my brother described it as a book that hates people. If so, then they've completely captured it for this adaptation.

This was a dark, dreary, dragging, demorilising film (I couldn't think of any more D-words, but imagine a few more downheartening ones on top) that simply made me want to get up and walk out of the cinema. There was nothing worth watching in this film apart from maybe the girl that played the younger Cathie, she was good.

Oh, and all the dog murder. Not cool.

Overall, I'd recommend to completely avoid this film. It's a dreadful, depressing film that will only serve to make you loathe humans more than you thought possible. The directional style was jarring and uncomfortable to watch, the performances seemed half-arsed most of the time and I just can't talk about it anymore.

Avoid. Avoid at all costs, my friends.

When I get back from work: We Have A Pope.

Wednesday, 28 December 2011

Council Of Unity

You thought you knew the true depths of Al's Nerdhood? You thought that you understood just how far from sanity and coolness he had strayed? You knew nothing, my friends, you do not understand until you know about The Council of Unity. You do not understand until you realise that Al has committed the gravest of sins...

Fan Fiction.

Alright, enough of that. Yes, I've done fan fiction and specifically that of the Warhammer 40,000 universe. In all fairness, what with video games such as Dawn of War and Space Marine, ol' 40K is picking up momentum in the public eye, but that doesn't mean that it isn't based off a model and dice wargame.

And yes, I've been a gamer for most of my life and will probably continue to be for a very long time. The most immersive part about it, to me, is that of the background and history of this universe and the best part about that again is that it's just so open. There's very little set down, and yet so much.

Hence...

The Council of Unity is about Space Marines. Space Marines are elite super-soldier-monk-knight-killing machines type guys that exist purely for war. There is no peace time for them, they simply go from one warzone to the next, always fighting the enemies of mankind, despite not really belonging to mankind anymore.

They are formed into thousand-strong armies called 'Chapters', each of which have thousands of years of history, tactical individuality and hidden secrets. Space Marines tend not to work together so much, since they are a bunch of proud, introverted bastards. But I thought... what if some of them did start working together?

Hence...

So Five Chapters of Space Marines all appear to be working together for some reason which hasn't been fully explained, and these stories are the various threats they face within the Valice Sector, the area of space they are responsible for. I only really did these stories as something to type up, that was about it.

Thing is, is that I started on my very first day of uni and this was the first project that kicked me off on writing something every single day. So it holds a special place in my heart, since every day at uni I would add another page to this chronicle. And just to annoy Nathan, each story is thirteen pages long and I did sixty.

In a year and a half.

POM WONDERFUL PRESENTS:
THE GREATEST MOVIE EVER
SOLD!

Now this, this is worth watching. As Documentaries go, this is hardly the most educational or moving, it's hardly Senna or even Bobby Fischer, but it's fun. It's out there to tell you about how much advertising goes into your movies without you even realising it and how much it affects your decisions.

I can't really say much about this movie, other than to say that it's Morgan Spurlock at his best, I would happily rate this film above Super Size Me, even though the element of personal risk in this one was put in, depsite it not being present at all, for him in this particular endevour.

Definately look this one up, it's amusing.

Tomorrow: Wuthering Heights.

Servants of God

Yes, I'm going to talk about Servants of God. Most of you who are reading this will probably be familiar with this particular project, it was my final script for my Degree course, roughly equivilent to a dissertation in weight of marks. At least that's what we'd like to believe.

I've always been fascinated by history and how it got us to where we are now. I mean, if you look at the world a thousand years ago, doesn't it just seem so alien and distant? How did anyone think the way they did back then? The Crusades are a prime example of how much and little things have changed.

In 1095, Pope Urban II declared the First Crusade and an army from all across Europe was gathered and set out across the Middle East to lay siege to a city that most of them had only heard of in the same breath as Adam and Eve. People were that dedicated that they were willing to give up their entire lives and take the Crusade, to journey across (what was then) the known world and attack a group of people that they had never met before, whose only crime was to have a different name for the same God.

In 1191, after the Great Sultan Salah Al-Din retook the city of Jerusalem from the Christian occupiers, King Richard the Lionheart launched the Third Crusade, an attempt to reclaim Jerusalem for Christianity. He spent seven months in the desert and ultimately left without succeeding in his objective. It was my objective to give an overview of those seven months within one hundred and twenty pages of script and then hand it in. I wrote four complete drafts and four half drafts, equalling about seven hundred pages.

The very last draft was an almost complete rewrite that was done within a single 24-hour period. I was very proud of how it came out in the end, following a young mercenary crossbowman who followed Richard's campaign and gradually found that the reason people came all this way to die, was because they wanted something to live for. A bit sappy, but it worked. And he was scottish, which helps. In the end, I had to cut a lot of characters, but kept in all the major battles and hope I kept in the spirit of the time.

I got a 63%, which is a 2:1. Not bad.

THE ADVENTURES OF TINTIN:
THE SECRET OF THE UNICORN

Well, you know what, this just wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. I had many, many terrible expectations and this managed to beat just about all of them. For parts, it kind of felt like Steven Spielberg trying to apologise for that God-Awful 4th Indiana Jones movie by having something of a rip-roaring adventure with plenty of action, swashbuckling and humour.

I'd say that the voice cast was good, but it was very confusing. Jamie Bell was obviously Tintin, but I was amazed to find that Captain Haddock was played by Andy Serkis, who genuinely managed to put on the best Gerard Butler impression I've ever heard. Likewise I'd thought that Sakharine was voiced by Richard E Grant or someone equally aristocratic. Nope, Daniel Craig.

That being said, it was clearly obvious which roles Pegg and Frost were down for from the start.

I'll say that I quite enjoyed ol' Tintin and I do hope that Peter Jackson follows up on his promise to make a second, after Spielberg's first outing in the series. If there was one massive area of pain to watch, it was the airplane sequence, which didn't so much stretch my suspension of disbelief as it did donkey punch it and leave it out in the road, weeping.

Not entirely sure that the empty fuel tank of a propeller plane can be fuelled by the beer-soaked breath of an alcoholic Sea Captain, but never mind, eh? Oddly, I found that Snowy didn't test my limits of disbelief, but the flooding/floating building sequence near the end almost got there. It was a little too kid-friendly (see my comments on Sammy's Adventures for that), but it still worked.

In a few minutes:
THE GREATEST MOVIE EVER SOLD

Tuesday, 27 December 2011

Resistance

My other writing project, which I'm doing parrallel to Imperia, is called Resistance. It's a set of TV series scripts for a show about super-heroes in a post apocalyptic future. Now to me, that's exactly what I want to be seeing on television. I know that it ticks a couple of boxes for many of my friends as well, hence why I'm cracking through it with such gusto.

At time of typing this blog entry, I'm a few lines away from finishing the last episode of the second season of Resistance. Each episode is forty-two pages long (making an episode roughly forty-two minutes), each season is thirteen episodes, meaning that since I started back in February, I've produced one thousand and ninety two pages of this series. That's a fair amount.

My central superheroes are:

Stonewall - An Earth Elemental with great strength and the ability to manipulate the earth and stone around him. He takes on the leadership role of the team.

Rush - An Air Elemental who has similiar powers to Stonewall, but based around air. She's the only one who can fly. Acts as Stonewall's surrogate daughter.

Maelstrom - A freak accident has invested her with a constantly moving air wave, resulting in hurricanes if she loses control. Emotionally unstable, a British Exile.

Regiment - A Russian Genetic Weapon, a soldier who can multiply himself and act as a small army by himself. Deserted his post but remains loyal in his heart.

Network - A martial arts expert who uses a super-computer and a chemical in the water to take control of people's minds and bodies. Morally ambiguous, also rich.

They're a fractous team that didn't even properly assemble until the end of the first season. They've faced greedy businessmen with their own armies, giant telepathic crystals from space, enemy settlements and a great deal of wandering supers who either want to kill them or steal their stuff.

Pretty standard, really.

The setting is a city called Resistance, built not far from the Great Lakes. In this world, the Divided Russians and Britain are the super-powers that are in a state of conflict over the remains of what was once America. Freaks and monsters prowl the wastes and Transtates (people with super-powers) aren't trusted at all.

It's the kind of series I would watch, and there's no other reason as to why I'm writing it, really. It wouldn't stand a snowball's chance in hell of ever getting made, but it entertains my friends and myself, so I can't really ask any more of it, can I? Got three more seasons of it planned as well, all to be done next year.

THE AWAKENING.

Now, as British films go, I was incredibly impressed with the style and presentation of this movie. The Brits, we love a period piece and to see something set post-WW1 with ghosts was a treat. This was a very well put together film with some excellent pacing and some good acting.

Ever since he got back from that over-hyped borefest The Wire, Dominic West has been doing some really great work, exercising those distinctive dimples to the max. In this film he plays a war veteran turned boarding school teacher who tracks down a professional Ghost Disprover.

The reason why? His school has a ghost, so it would seem, and he wants her to deal with it. Rebecca Hall (who is just gorgeous, by the way) is she, and she promptly sets about looking for the 'ghost', eager to prove that no such thing exists. The only problem is that she's starting to see the very things that she normally does her best to discredit.

I very much enjoyed this film, but there were a number of points that I felt stuck out. Firstly, it felt very close to Spanish film 'The Orphanage'. I'd say that the Orphanage is a notch above this, but they are incredibly similiar in theme and tone. Secondly, I felt that the ending and explanation was very neatly wrapped up in a bow, perhaps a little too neatly.

These are minor complaints, however, and overall I'd heartily recommend this film as a chilling and intelligent ghost story.

Tomorrow Morning: Tin-frickin-Tin

Imperia

Decided that for this post I want to talk about my current writing project (since I'm gonna try and get it published in January). Imperia is a project that came out of the blue a short while ago, inspired by seeing a trailer for Total War: Napoleon. Always found Napoleon Bonaparte to be one of the most fascinating of historical characters (mainly 'cause of Sharpe...), so I started to think what would have happened if he'd won, if he'd achieved the empire that he'd dreamed of. So that's what Imperia is, it's the legacy of Napoleon.

The story goes that in 1799, a young British officer is killed during a night attack on the Indian fortress of Seringapatam by a stray bullet. Thus, that young officer never became the Duke of Wellington, thus the rest of Europe became easy meat for Bonaparte, who was only matched by Wellington. He conqured Spain, Britain, Germany, Poland, Italy, Egypt, Greece, then went on into Russia. He died campaigning in China in 1832. The super-nation that he left behind was Imperia, the largest nation on the face of the Earth.

Of course, it's not just an alternate history in my story, I wanted to put in as many pulp sci-fi elements that I could. Being alternate history is pulpy in itself, but there's a whole lot more. Namely an alien scavenger fleet from a race called the Kahin, the horrific Phenomenon that spreads through pain and the Church-sanctioned Heaven Men, all playing a part.

The story will start at the beginning of the Second World War, but it'll be a very different War to the one we've read about in the history books. The idea will be that most of the short stories (it takes the form of a collection of shorts all based around the same subject) will be an event from the actual WW2, then altered to fit the new history. The best example I can give is the Miracle of Dunkirk will be come known instead as the Massacre of Dunkerque, because events there went very, very differently. The rest I'll research as I go along with it. Naturally, a fair few will be made up to fit with the various supernatural or sci-fi elements that the whole series is about in the first place.

So yeah... WW2 with aliens, werewolves, laser guns, super-heroes and a whole bunch of different country names. It's also lacking one major thing... Nazis.

I should also mention that at the moment I am very much enjoying the work of Madam KT Tunstall, who is very good to write to. On with the film review then.

THE IDES OF MARCH

By the time I saw this film, this was the 3rd movie I'd actually had to pay to see this year, the other two being massive disappointments (Green Lantern and Conan the Barbarian). This one made them worth it. Ides is a slick, smooth, dark political thriller about intelligence, sex and corruption, the corner stones of American politics. Damn you George Clooney, you're a real triple threat now (actor, director, writer).

We follow young Stephen (played by Ryan Gosling, who's on something of a streak at the moment), a Junior Campaign Manager for Mike Morris (George Clooney), who is running for President. When he becomes involved with a blonde intern, the idealism of his politics is utterly shaken as he finds that his hero, Morris, is not as squeaky clean as he'd thought. At first he seems to be dragged into this seedy world, then he jumps in.

This film is about how far a working man will go for his job, I think. He's good at his job, he wants to do it and he wants to be the best at is, so therefore he will sacrifice anything and anyone to get there. My friend Kerry said that he found the ending anti-climactic because 'it's what anyone would have done', he said. I'm not sure I agree with that, since not many of us are in the same position. I think if faced with that situation, I'm not sure most of us would have been as ruthless as Stephen found himself to be. I know that I probably wouldn't have been.

Any film that makes you question if you could do the same... well, that's all it has to do to impress me. This was a well written, well acted, very tragic story about personal collapse and re-emergance. I highly recommend.

Later today: THE AWAKENING

Monday, 26 December 2011

Supposedly A Writer

It occurs to me that I'm supposed to be a writer. I just graduated from Universiry with a Batchelor of Arts (with Honours) Degree in Screenwriting, so I should probably pretend that I could be a real writer, one that does it for money or something like that. So as of the New Year, I'm making the pledge to myself that I will try to get my novel published. I know that I studied screenwriting, not novelwriting, but at the same time, I've got this done and I'm happy with it, so I want to try and get it out there. What is it, I hear you ask? Well, I shall reveal all.

Tomorrow.

I'm gonna dedicate the next few posts (and random others throughout next year) to what writing projects I'm working on, how I feel they're doing and what they're all about. I'm kinda doing this out of ego, and also because I just really want to talk about them, mainly because I feel my genius will be lost if nobody knows about it. I've already got a few fans of my garbled words, so I may as well big myself up a bit about them. This blog post is mainly filler, of course, a thinly disguised attempt at getting through all the movie reviews that I've got left to do for the year.

My ambition would be to get a script gig at some point in my future, but if I don't make it, I'd like to know that at least some people thought of me as a writer.

For those who are interested in my scripts and stories, you can ask me for some and I'll do my best to send it to you and you can make up your own minds on them.

For now...

WE NEED TO
TALK ABOUT
KEVIN

I can sum up the feeling of watching We Need To Talk About Kevin in one easy reaction. I genuinely felt after this movie had concluded that I should call my mother and apologise. I don't know what I should apologise for, but God Damn did I feel the need to. So you know what? I did exactly that.

If I hadn't seen Senna earlier this year, then I would probably be touting the Film Of The Year card right now, but with careful consideration I'd say that this is easily top five material. It's cold, unsettling, brutal, empathic, voyeuristic and masochistic all at the same time.

This film has enough malice to make me shudder in fear, enough weight to crush me beneath it and enough acting talent to make Brando take a step back and hold up his hands. Easily the film of Tilda Swinton's career, newcomer Ezra Miller is chilling and even John C. Rielly manages to pull a straight role.

This is a movie I'm hesitant about recommending, simply because I'm not sure how many people have the stomach for it. It is most certainly one that will test its audiance's limits with sadism and sociopathy. I liked it, but I wouldn't be in a rush to watch it again, to be completely honest with you.

Next blog: THE IDES OF MARCH.

Giver Of Gifts

As Tim pointed out, we but peolpe Christmas presents because we expect them in return. Tim got me three xbox games for Christmas (after the droll hilarity of passing an HMV gift card between the two of us), none of which were all that cheap. So... that would mean that in order to truly acknowledge what he was after, I would have to spend more money on him (a sometime irritating co-worker and fellow gamer nerd) than I would on members of my close family.

That seems a bit... greedy, doesn't it? I mean, surely giving away that kind of stuff in the first place means that I'm now obliged to return something of roughly equal value (which he didn't get, since he got roughly the same for my brother and we teamed up to get him stuff that was roughly equal to one of our gift packages). But if I simply can't afford that (which I can), or if I simply don't want to get him that, should I have to?

He's been trying to get me to acknowledge the spirit of Christmas for a while now, and he hasn't really succeeded, but he did get me some bitching xbox games, so I guess that I'll fork out for some stuff for him. It'd be rude and unseasonal not to. But next year? Oh next year he's going on the same £30 budget that I get everyone's gifts from, no matter what he pulls out of his hat. I always figure that if you can't do it for £30, why do it?

THE FADES.

As I said a couple of months back, I'm not doing my TV blog anymore, instead I'm gonna talk about the occasional show in here. Well, The Fades is the first example of that that I'm gonna do. This show came out of nowhere on the BBC, written by the Jack Thorne (veteran of This Is England follow up series '86 and now '88, as well as doing some work on Skins and Cast Offs) and starring a bunch of people that were familiar British TV faces. Daniel Kaluuya had been on Skins playing a similiar character, Joe Dempsie was another Skins graduate, Tom Ellis has been on more TV shows in the last few years than many camera crews, Natalie Dormer was in Silk, The Tudors and even frickin' Captain America and I know that I recognise Clare Rushbrook from somewhere, but can't recall where.

Only real newcomers for me were Ian de Caestecker as the lead, Paul, and Johnny Harris. I then discovered that Johnny Harris is awesome and I want him to be in everything.

So, this show is basically GIEST: THE SIN-EATERS, the TV series. It's about a boy who grows angelic powers to fight ghosts and be torn between that and his family life.

Sounds simple, and it is. It's brilliantly effective, overly cheeky and exceptionally nerdy. It has all the right beats, all the correct pacing to make this a great show.

The absolute crowner of the series is the final episode, not for the actual climax (which was great), but because it really, really showed up Steven Moffat and Toby Whithouse, who showrun for Doctor Who and Being Human respectively. You know why? Because unlike those two shows, the final episode of the The Fades was the natural and explosive culmination of all the events that had come before it in the series. You'd think that'd be bog standard for a TV series, but no, Moffat and Whithouse had this tendency to go completely bananas and set the last episode in a different town with no pacing or to create a pointless sub-universe of all time crashing together or some other utterly random show-breaking episode that had nothing to do with the episodes that came before it.

Funny how that makes things better.

If I had a couple of complaints about The Fades, then it'd be that the show didn't get the best out of Ian de Caestecker (who proved a much better actor in Young James Herriot), and made him feel wooden to the audience. Mac's 'Previously On' sections were at first endearing and then fucking irritating, especially since it was him, in the second episode, that introduced to the term 'Angelics', not in the actual continuity of the series itself. Tom Ellis' character was, while well played and well thought out, ultimately pointless to the series, I felt. Also it seemed to only take five minutes for a person to go from person, to Fade, to Reborn, then become a cannibalistic version of themselves, but I guess that was so they could reuse actors quite happily, something I don't blame them for.

So yeah, I am eagerly hoping for a new series next year, because the way it ended certainly deserved it, as did the characters themselves. More Johnny Harris. More Johnny Harris now.

Next up: WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT KEVIN

Sunday, 25 December 2011

The Weather Outside Is Frightful

Gonna try to lighten the mood, I appreciate that last one probably wasn't much fun to read, not even for me looking back at it.

It's true, I don't like this time of year for all the reasons above, I don't like how we go mad for something that is ultimately about shops trying to make as much money as possible. I don't like being dictated to about my damn emotional state.

But Christmas, once upon a time, was a day for walking down the street and being able to say 'Merry Christmas' to everyone you saw and they'd say it back to you. That's what it should be all about. To be honest, I want the Church to take it back.

I mean, Christmas is a Christian tradition in the first place (designed to co-incide with the Winter Solstice) and I think that, quite frankly, we should ackowledge where it came from, what with Jesus and all that. It's his birthday, right?

Did you know that the twelve days of Christmas (as the song implies) go from December 25th to January 5th. That December 1st to December 24th is actually called Advent? See, if these things were more commonly known, I think I'd prefer that.

But that doesn't sell toys and iphones, does it? Also, I just don't really like mince pies. Ick. So I spent my Christmas with my brother, watching all 4 Die Hard movies (2 of them are seasonal, after all) and failing to eat all of the steak I brought with me. Who needs turkey, after all, eh?

BEAUTIFUL LIES.

As I said with Potiche, why do anyone who isn't French make Romantic Comedies? I mean, the concept for this is hardly overwhelmingly original, but it's pulled off with such style, finesse and charm that it just doesn't matter. This is a perfectly servicable film showing off the considerable talents of Miss Audrey 'Amilie' Tautou and the gorgeous Nathalie Baye.

The twisting plot follows tormented and overly talented Jean writing a love letter to Emilie (Tautou) and then not having the courage to sign it. She then gets freaked out by it and, in an attempt to break her mother (Baye) out of her depressed slump, forwards it to her, pretending that it was for her all along. Thus ensues a convoluted yet endearing story of mistaken identity.

The jokes are underplayed, the characters are rounded and the look of it stylish, typical French. Why does anyone who isn't French bother to make Romantic Comedies? I highly recommend it, it's a good one.

Next up: THE FADES.

Bah Frickin' Humbug

I'm not one for the Christmas spirit, I think most people who know me well should know that by now. I'm a 'Mr. Grumpy Gills' according to Newgirl and a grouch to everyone else. The thing is, I don't care what people say to point out that I'm 'wrong' about Christmas... I still fuckin' hate Christmas.

Why should I like it? I mean, any other time of year, if every single shop and pub and cafe in the country were playing the same twenty two songs (with multiple different versions of each) over and over again for at least five weeks, people would go insane about it, they'd call it madness.

But no, it's Christmas.


It's the most stressful and busy time of the year for the vast majority of people, considering that most people in the retail and service industries have to work their arses off to cater for all the kids who go absolutely mental every ten minutes.

It's easily officially the most depressing time of year, I bet that if you looked up the statistics on national suicide rates, where do you think they'd all be focussed, eh? My own brother is going through a dark patch at the moment, so don't I know.

The inane traditions of spending inordinate amounts of money on gifts for people that probably won't appreciate them, the rampant commercialism that killed the actaul spirit of Goodwill To All Men quite some time ago, the late night shopping, the early opening hours, the blinking lights...

I hate Christmas. I really do.

For me this year it's been stressful in the extreme. Between December 5th and December 24th I didn't get a day off, so that's 20 straight days working, I had three rounds of dental surgery on my half days and I had to juggle moving house with constantly trying to arrange a Christmas for my brother. It's been a hard, gruelling slog and you know the worst part?

Everyone keeps telling you to be happy. They tell you to cheer up, not be grumpy. As if they somehow have to the divine right to dictate to you how you should feel, everyone keeps telling you that it's Christmas, so you have to be happy. Well, here's my personal message to all those people who think that just 'cause it's Christmas, you have to be happy:

Fuck you. Fuck off.

Merry fucking Christmas.

THE SMURFS.

Believe it or not, but this isn't quite the bile fest I thought it would be. I'm not entirely sure why anyone thought it was neccessary to make a Smurfs movie, but it's not truly terrible. I didn't think that it was really bad in any way, but at the same time I don't really think it's all that great.

The animation was average and the plot was basic, the vague kid-friendly messages were all a little heavy handed and didn't really contribute to the film. I found Hank Azaria's performance of Gargamel to be irritating at best, while I felt that Neil Patrick Harris was scraping the bottom of the barrel.

It's a bright, cheery film with at least one unexpected moment of true epicness and a pleasing ability for self parody when it comes to the history of the Smurfs in publication, but all in all it's no great loss to your education if you miss this one. Nice idea with the Blue Moon and all that.

Next up: Beautiful Lies

Saturday, 24 December 2011

20 Days Straight

So why haven't I been blogging lately? Probably because I've been working for 20 days straight and I'm too tired to sleep, think, count and in some cases eat.

It's panto season at work and that means kids everywhere, screaming and shouting as if they own the place. The only thing worse that kids are their parents.

I mean, we charge £4.50 for a flashing light spinner thing that'll break within a week and the kids will forget they own before then and you know what? They pay it. I mean, they will do anything to get their kids to shut up when they're out at the panto and it makes me both vindicated and depressed.

The cafe's doing okay, very busy before shows. So far no sign of a franchise looking to take over the place, but potentially around March time. To be honest, I don't want them to find one, we can do it ourselves, I reckon, and I definately want to keep hold of my shiny new supervisor position, naturally!

And now I'm on a train, bringing a chiller bag full of Christmas dinner up to Bath so that me and my brother can spend the only day off I get this month together.

Ah... sod it.

KIND HEARTS AND CORONETS.

Once a season, the Corn Exchange shows a classic film from the years of yore. I'm pretty sure that this choice was related to Alec Guinness being in Tinker, Tailor back in the day and that we've just been showing the new Tinker, Tailor. Whatever the reason, I'm ridiculously glad I got the chance to see this movie on the big screen. Quite frankly, they just don't make them like this anymore. This film is an absolute treasure.

We follow the vengeful adventures of Louis Mazzini, the long lost distant relative of a powerful family that is all played by Sir Alec Guinness. Genuinely, the man plays eight different parts in this film and they're all brilliant. Mazzini feels robbed by the family, since he isn't acknowledged in their eyes at all, so he sets himself the task of becoming the head of the family, the Duke of Chalfont. He does this through murder.

Lots and lots of murder.

And it's hilarious in a very dark way, it's witty and charming and ever so smooth. The only real problems I had with this movie were the near constant narration (but then, the frame of the movie is Mazzini writing his memoirs just before his execution) and the fact that the Admiral Horatio D'Ascoyne drowns in an incident that has nothing to do with Mazzini's revenge, but his death was neccessary. If maybe Mazzini had just had some small part in it... eh, it doesn't matter. It's still a beautifully thoughtful and well put together movie that's well worth your time to look up.

Next time: The Smurfs.

Thursday, 24 November 2011

Graduand For A Day

So yesterday, the 23rd, was Silly Hat Day. Or Graduation as most people will recall it. It basically sums up that my greatest achievement in life was sitting in a bunch of rooms for three years and watching movies. I then got a piece of paper to prove that I am, in fact, two-thirds good at sitting in rooms and watching movies. It's a valuable life skill.

I didn't enjoy the experience. I found it to be pompous, hollow and ultimately there to service a generation of people that have long since lost touch with what university actually represents today (by whom I mean my devoted parents). I can't say as the day really rings out in my mind as one I'll remember forever. It felt anti-climactic compared to three years of work/slacking.

But it was good to see all my old classmates again, even if it has been only six months since we broke up. Man, I do very much wish I was back there now. Every day I miss it more. The script-reading, the discussions, the all-day pool sessions, the laughs and the parties. It was three of the best five years of my life (the other two being Newbury College 2000-2002).

I miss it.

THE DEEP
BLUE SEA

This film starts with Rachel Weisz trying to kill herself. It ended with me wanting to kill myself. This film is as poignant as it is inversely heavy handed. It is as emotional as it is dreary. It is as well acted as it is overly preachy.

This film held absolutely nothing for me apart from one touching scene in the London Underground during a flashback to the Blitzkrieg. That's about it in this movie, look that scene up on Youtube, don't bother with the rest of this pretentious tosh.

Next is: KIND HEARTS AND CORONETS

Wednesday, 26 October 2011

Lists (2)

A bunch of guys on TV recently that I have been seriously impressed with.

1 - Jon Richardson (Trevor Travel Planner)
2 - Kieth Allen (what a top arsehole cop)
3 - Miles Jupp (still seriously funny)
4 - Joe Dempsie (come along since Skins)
5 - Arthur Darvil (seriously, the best reason to have been watching Who)

So yeah, in the interests of bisexual equality, I'd shag those guys as well.

TINKER,
TAILOR,
SOLDIER,
SPY.

What can I say, really? We wanted a slow-burning, intense, beautifully presented spy thriller and we got a slow-burning, intense, beautifully presented spy thriller. This film 'apparently' doesn't match up to Alec Guiness' 'original', according to a great many old people who came to see it, but you know what? Screw them, this film wasn't for them, it was for us.

It was for people who adore films, for people who want to see a truly great story of such intricacy that you need to keep a notebook next to your seat. For people who want to see truly talented actors doing exactly what they do best. The cast list alone is mouth wateringly good, Oldman, Strong, Cumberbatch, Firth, Hurt, Jones, Hinds, Hardy, Graham... it don't get much better.

As often noted, I don't like going into too much detail about films that I really liked, so I'll keep this one short. This film is pure genius. Once again, this film is one of those that people who've had to suffer through such shit as Green Lantern and Transformers get as a reward. It's a real film made by real filmmakers who really, really knew what they were doing.

Enough said.

Next: The Deep Blue Sea

Thursday, 20 October 2011

Lists (1)

Women I've seen on TV recently that I kinda fancy and possibly shouldn't.

1 - Sarah Millican (Oh I love that accent)
2 - Katy Brand (No idea why, but I would)
3 - Clare Rushbrook (watch The Fades, guys)
4 - Lorraine Kelly (Nope, no excuses here)
5 - Wummi Mosaku (needs to do something with her hair, though)

Noticed that many of my friends have just done blog entries that are lists. Good idea, that.

JANE EYRE.

Many people that I discussed this film with were surprised that I would be interested in seeing it in the first place. Just as an aside, I'm not really sure how to take that. It's a classic piece of literature that has survived with interest intact into making many, many adaptations of it and it's a compelling story to start off with. Why would I not be interested in seeing it with Michael Fassbender, Jamie Bell and Dame Judy Dench in some of the lead roles?

Basically, this is a classic tragedy with a lavish cast, location and attention to detail. It's a gorgeous representation of the story and I felt it was very well put across. Any gripes I may have had with the ending simply come from the way stories were told at the time, with a neat bow to make sure that everyone ends up mostly happy, if a bit angsty. Jamie Bell's character, although well played by one of my favourite actors, probably wasn't much use to the plot all in all.

I recommend this film quite heavily, it's intelligent enough to engage but not to offput, it's love-driven enough to make even a jaded cynic like myself appreciate it. Check it out.

Next up: Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy
(why hells yes, my brother-fuckers).

Tuesday, 11 October 2011

What's A Day Off?

Unless things start to look less pear-shaped, today (tuesday the 11th) will be my only day off in the entirety of October. This is good in one regard, I definately know that I've got a few pennies in my account in the future. On the other hand, it does make me a little bit more irrational and crabby with my fellow staff, who are just as hard-working as I am, if not more so. But the sheer amount of hours I put in last week was certainly wearing on me by monday and I'm happy to say that I had a decent and productive day off. Sort of.

Kerry and Tim both had days off as well, so we tried to hammer out a proto-game of Territory, something that I still need to sit down and properly work out rules for, but then that's what playtesting is for. The scenario we came up with was interesting and certainly has some potential. I seem to fill my spare time with gaming these days, what with my renewed interest in 'The Thirteen Games of Corridor Thirteen' and how to make them work. I still have my core gamers and it's a good way to focus my excess creativity and plot this epic, spanning world.

I think after November's Chalice is completed (what with November's Children finished and November's Chosen begun, Chalice would be the third in the trilogy of November games), we may well do The Isis, a game hell-bent on ripping off Pirates of the Carribean. I've put a few mentions of the Isis into some of November at the moment, almost like I'm J.J. Abrahms. Speaking of which, Kieran was saying how he was disappointed that he hadn't heard anything regarding the next Star Trek film, whether it was in development or it had begun filming or anything.

I frickin' hope not. The last one sucked.

JURASSIC PARK.

Oh yes, you read that right. A few weeks ago (in fact, on my last day off), myself, Kieran, Marsh, Alex and Carl all went to go see Jurassic Park on the big screen in Newbury Vue. Because the trilogy of Jurassic Park films are being released on Blu-Ray there was a brief cinema re-release and I felt obliged to go and see it, since it was one of the first films I avidly remember going to see at the cinema when I was a kid (that wasn't a Disney animated film, at the least). That was 18 years ago.

My only real comment is thus:

It is still as good as I remember.

There are one or two instances where maybe the special effects don't quite hold up (especially when you first see the Brachiosaur, and yes I had to look up how to mispell that), but the story is still excellently paced, still visually stunning and still very characterful. Jeff Goldblum, Samuel L. Jackson, Wayne Knight, Laura Dren, Richard Attenbrough, they are all still brilliant, but the stars of the show really are Sam Neill and Bob Peck. I mean, hats off to the pair of them (pun intended).

I'd just like to comment on just how often I quote that Jurassic Park contains one of my favourite moments of movie history and if you don't know what it is, then I clearly haven't ranted enough about it. But you know which scene it is. So do yourself a favour, dig out your dvd or video of this movie, whack it on and remember just how freakin' good it was. And it's only a little because it got to use it's own merchandise in the film itself. If that isn't meta forethought, then nothing is, to be honest.

Clever girl.

Next up: Jane Eyre.

Friday, 7 October 2011

For I Am The Work-Bunny

Yeah, there's been far too much of that old 'work' thing taking up my life at the moment. See, the Corn Exchange has just undergone a mild upheaval, the ladies that ran the day cafe have left us and now the Corn Exchange has extended the bar into the daytime to make a cafe-bar. Meaning that I had to learn how to use an Espresso machine on monday morning and then teach everyone else how to do it on tuesday evening.

So this week alone I'm down to do about sixty hours between my two jobs and I'm beginning to wear a bit thin, especially since I haven't had a day off since September 25th. I appreciate that there are people out there who do a hell of a lot more than me in terms of hours and difficulty of their job, but this is what I've got and it's slowly go a little stir crazy. If my hours keep up, the next time I get a day off is November 13th.

Me and Kerry of Rios were talking about it. We're both unmarried and childless men in our mid-to-late twenties, we can both work almost every hour going and will do so for just a fraction above minimum wage. This pretty much secures our livelihoods throughout this recession, but it probably won't be much fun, to be honest with you. Still, I don't have time to be thinking about such things, I've got work in an hour and a bit.

BOBBY FISCHER
AGAINST
THE WORLD.

Now this man had problems. Bobby Fischer is a name that is vaguley recalled by my parents as the Chess Champion that went nuts. And this documentary neatly sums up exactly how Bobby Fischer became a Chess Champion and then really, really did go nuts. There are barely words to describe just how frickin' nuts, really.

But yes, I shall say that this was a very well layed out and very well put together documentary concerning the rise to fame and context of Robert Fischer. As a ten-year-old with an obsessive mother in the 50's (who was obsessed with a great many things that were not her son) he began playing chess.

Quickly proving himself to be a national champion, Fischer became the hope and focus of the United States and used principally in the next stage of the Cold War, what with a Russian holding the title of World Chess Champion, Boris Spassky. Needless to say that the intellectual battle between them was intense and hard-fought, but respectful and honourable, which made Fischers deterioration into character death later in life even more remarkable. He was always a strange one, but he really did lose it later on.

I highly recommend this documentary simply because there's nothing more to highlight the incredible than itself and if there is one word to truly describe Fischer's life, it is incredible. Look it up if you so wish, it's a good use of your time.

Next up: Clever Girl...

Friday, 30 September 2011

Indian Summer

I know that one of my jobs involves working in a grill kitchen that has a pretty high average temperature, so it may just be me... or is it just really frickin' hot for the end of September? Newbury seems to be awash with people in shorts and sunglasses... and it's October tomorrow! What's with that?!

I'm not really a summer person, I'm much more of a winter person, as many peolpe may know about me. Possibly because they've met me. My friend Coates once got confused because I said I didn't like Christmas and then took a second to analyse all he actually knew about me. It made more sense after that.

I like cold weather, I'm pysically more suited to it (being a fatass actually has a use) and most of my 'wardrobe' (and I use the term in the loosest possible sense) is better fitted to colder weather. I just don't know what to do in summer, other than burn slightly and bitterly complain, which is what people do during winter, so I guess it evens out.

Still, we're stuck in this Indian Summer for at least another weekend and I'm gonna have to put up with 'my time' of the year being taken over by people saying just how wonderful it is that we can be sweating uncomfortably in our tshirts. Ech, bring on the sodding snow.

POETRY.

I watched this film the same day as Beginners and it was a pretty difficult slog, I'll tell you that. I'm not saying that this is in any way a bad film, it's very well put together, it's got some decent performances and the story is... well, I'm not quite going to say compelling, but it was least interesting. An elderly Korean woman decides to take a poetry class and is the only student in that class dedicated enough to actually write a poem.

All the while, she must deal with the early stages of Alzhiemers developing (a plot factor that was woefully under-developed considering how topical it can be) and that her grandson, who lives with he full-time is part of a gang of schoolboys that raped a girl and left her suicidal. She has problems at all angles, really and the film is about her trying to cope with them in the ways that she can, all while trying to look at the flowers.

I'm not entirely sure where I stand on this film, but I think I'll say that it had a great deal more potential that was actually realised within it. The intricacies of Korean (and to a lesser degree Oriental in general) culture continue to astound me. The family of the girl who committed suicide are willing to accept money from the families of the boys who did it... in order that they don't go to the police or press? If I were a parent of one of those boys I'd drag them there myself, but that must be the Westerner in me thniking that.

All in all, this film is trying to be a bit more beautiful than it is, but isn't a bad effort. It's a little depressing, but not as bad as first feared.

Next up: Bobby Fischer Against The World.

Thursday, 29 September 2011

Making The Numbers, Al's Own Style

Obviously I've mention just how OCD/Anally Retentive I am about the whole posting thing and when to post and how many in a month and blaah blaah blaah.... well screw that, to be completely honest. I am who I am and apparently people like that about me, so in order to make up for what I'm calling 'The September Gulch', I'm doing one a day until we hit October and am then going to six a month until the end of the year. Next year, I'm going to do four a month and that's gonna be it.

I work out how many blog posts I do these days based on how many films I see and I do tend to see a lot of them. Back in Southampton I had a couple of friends who worked at Cineworld and they used to be kind enough to let me in with buying a coke. Now that I'm working back up at home, I get to see the films we show in Screen One of the Corn Exchange (best cinema screen in Newbury and it isn't in the Vue) as long as I steward for them, which entails checking people's tickets and selling sweets.

But I get to see the film, which is awesome. Obviously back in Cineworld the films shown were much more mainstream, so I saw a lot more of the blockbusters and stuff, while in the Corn Exchange we focus on showing a lot more arthouse stuff, which is why you may have noted the shift in my reviewing to that sort of film. It's not because I've started wearing a beret and thinking myself better than going out to the Vue every week, it's just because it's what's put in front of me.

Since I don't have all the money in the world, it's neccessary to pick and choose when I go to the big cinema and when I don't, which leads to me being very reserved about big films. Actually had to pay to see Conan and that sucked, so I'm trying to be more wary about what I want to go see.

BEGINNERS.

Now this really wasn't the film people were expecting. They saw a bright, cheerful poster that declared the film was about Love, they saw Ewan McGregor standing there with a big smile on his face and thought 'hey, a romcom that looks a bit more intelligent, let's go see that'. And that is definately not the film they got, leaving a noticable number of our audience at the Corn Exchange rather disappointed in what they saw.

It's not a bad film, but much like Hanna a few months ago, I think it takes itself far too seriously. Christopher Plummer gives an astounding performance and the movie most certainly makes you rethink all you knew about homosexual life. McGregor and Laurent both give good shows, but are overshadowed by Plummer and Goran Visnjic (thank you IMDb for correct spelling there) and their exploration of homosexuality.

The film is thoughtful and provoking in it's own, quiet way, but there's too much artistic lavish placed on Oliver's view of the world, which can be quite pretentious and alienating to the people that have to sit and watch it. His art is a central theme and how he sees the world is quite interesting, until about the third time he launches into 'this is 2003' and then you just want it to go away, because by that point the film should have ended.

In fact there were about three points roughly half an hour/twenty minutes from the end where the film could have ended and it'd probably have been better for it. But that's just me. All in all, it's worth a watch, but don't get surprised if you feel that it's talking down to you, because it is. The dog, however, is easily the best character.

Next up: Poetry.

Wednesday, 28 September 2011

We Didn't Like The Wallpaper, Right?

So my new bed did arrive yesterday, shortly after I posted that last blog entry. Here I am sitting upon it and it is pretty damn comfy. They're futon mattresses, which is great. It has a top single bunk and a lower double bunk and the lower one actually folds out to become a sofa. This is also great.

Now all I need is some kind of TV to put in my room and I may never leave it again. I barely have any other furniture in here and it's quite a large room, so I do tend to notice just how empty it can be a lot of the time. Still, at least with this bed in here now I'm a bit more invested in the place.

Although the wallpaper on the stairs... yeah... my bad, I'll cover that. Moving it up wasn't quite as good a fit as me and Vicky thought it'd be...

Still, Vicky's now a member of the gaming group, which means I've got four regulars on a sunday afternoon now for November's Chosen, which is all cool.

You may have noticed that I'm filling in the gaps with the ones I left behind, by which I mean blog entries. For the new batch that I've started at the end of September, there are still unpublished ones dated the end of July and most of August to get through, and I will get through them, I promise.

Don't want to let this blog slip, I do actually like doing it and, as I was explaining to a friend last night, that's the only real reason to do something.

CONAN THE BARBARIAN
(2011)

You know what is good in life? *Arnie voice* To crush your enemies, to drive them before you and hear the lamentation of the women *end Arnie voice*. This remake does none of those things. It doesn't capture the huge, expansive world of Robert E. Howard's Hyborian Age (despite trying to show you more of it than the Arnie film ever did) and it doesn't capture the sense of mystery and violence combined that the last one did either (despite having more of the violence, but that's to be expected).

Credit where credit is due, Ron Perlman and Jason Momoa both did pretty good jobs, I was rooting for Momoa to get this leading role for quite some time, he is ideally suited to it after his extensive experiance with Stargate Atlantis and Game of Thrones, although he was severely let down by the movie in general. The sequence of Conan as a boy had undoubtably the best and most brutal fight scene of the movie, but was also the least neccessary part of the story and probably should have been cut.

All it really did was serve as a reason as to why Conan was hunting down this particular badguy (who managed to spend just enough time on his massive quest to become an even bigger cliche for Conan to grow to manhood and gain the neccessary fighting skills to defeat him) and for the badguy to introduce his array of increasingly ethnic sidekicks. I don't know about anyone else, but as soon as all these colourful sub-characters that got about two lines each were introduced all I could think was that Conan will now go on to have a showdow with each of them in sequence. Oh look at that, that's what he did. And that there was the entire film. The bad guy spends the whole thing tracking down an ancient mask and the bloodline of an order of necromancers to activate it and.... it does what? Make him slightly more likely to be beaten up by Conan? Right....

All in all, pretty poor effort, nothing really in it and why was there a ship being carted around the jungle by a dozen elephants for no reason? Jog on guys, Arnie's still got this one.

Next up: Beginners.

Tuesday, 27 September 2011

Beds

I like beds, pretty sure that everyone does. For the last three months (the ones that I've been living in Newbury) I've been sleeping on what appears to be a pallet with a layer of foam on top. Now this is actually a kind of bed, it's designed to be from the appearance of it and it would have been reasonably comfortable if it didn't keep snapping underneath me when I'm trying to sleep. Add to that the rusty/rickety old metal frame that barely supported it and I'm not sure that I wanted to sleep on it. In fact first thing I did was take the frame apart and use it as a drying rack and just put the pallet thing on the floor.

Today, however, today I get a new bed. It should have arrived some time around now, but it's running late so I thought I'd share my thoughts with the big, wide, uncaring internet for a few minutes, just to remind me that blogging can be fun and all that. Anyway, I'm told this one (which I'm inheriting for a few quid from a co-workers parents) has a mattress already (otherwise I'm screwed) and is a double that has a single top bunk. Score! I have no other furniture in my room, so that at least gives me a place to put clothes and stuff that I want to keep off the floor. All I need now is for it to turn up, that would be nice.

In other news... well, since yesterday there has been no other news? Rios is open on a monday night now, as a trial run for a month? That's about it. On with the film.

SUPER 8.

Well this was a... mixed film. Don't get me wrong, it is actually pretty good, there is definately a vibe that this is the spiritual successor to ET, but it's almost trying too hard to be the next ET that it forgets that it could be a film all in its own right. If ET were the Cloverfield monster, that's pretty much one way to think of this movie.

It starts out with the death of our central kid's mother. Now that's the thing with the kid actors in this film. They are really good, I mean really, really good at the emotional scenes. When they need to jerk a tear or make you laugh or anything like that, they're good for it. The only downside to them is in the casual scenes, when they appear a bit wooden.

See that's the difference between a good child actor and a good adult actor, kids are good for the emotion, adults are good for the bits when they're sitting around and talking rubbish (mainly because they're jaded and dead inside, so they don't have emotions anymore). It's just a little thing I kept noticing throughout the course of this movie.

Other little things, why does the explosion/crash of the train (the catalyst for the entire plot) take 5 minutes to play out? Why does the alien abduct people and then seemingly kill them if all it wants is to go home? Why did one of the kids get left behind at the camp, just so that the main kid's dad could demand to know where his son is? Why the lens flare?

There are a lot of little things with the movie, but the biggest is that towards the end it really does feel like there's two scripts trying to break free of each other and be different movies. Is the part where the deputy goes all commando and breaks out of the army base entirely neccessary? Is the tearful acceptance of both fathers actually helping to move the plot forward? This, in many ways, is a very typical JJ Abrahms plot, very interesting opening, a few too many 'ooh no, can't let you see that *yet*' moments and then a couple of hasty and half-arsed reveals at the end that just don't cut the build-up that was placed upon them.

This is a good film, but it's poorly put together. That's about as well as I can judge it.

Next up: CONAN THE BARBARIAN (2011).

Monday, 26 September 2011

Chastised

Okay, so I was chastised into blogging once again. My good friend Martin sent me an email (which actually included the words 'hit me up') asking, among other things, why I hadn't blogged in a while. To be honest, I don't really know, it just kind of fell by the wayside and I'm regretting that a little. I am fond of this blog, but it does take a little time and effort that I didn't always have free in the last few weeks.

So, life at the moment. I'm still living in the same place, it looks unlikely I'll move now for the foreseeable future, despite the fact that this place has more problems than an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting. So does my flat in southampton, it seems, since I moved out of it. Barely a week goes by without my friends/tennants down there don't call me up to tell me some new and interesting quirk that the place has developed.

This makes me sad, as it means that there are now three of my friends that I dread to get phone calls from.

In other news, the hours I'm working have increased at both of my jobs, so I barely have free time anymore.

Been doing some serious gaming in the brief windows that I do have, we finished the final battle of November's Children and have moved on to the sequal, November's Chosen. What with the success of Being Human and now this new show 'The Fades' (which is worth checking out, by the way), I think the BBC3 is going for some kind of fantasy horror vibe, so I'm considering writing up the opener for November's Children as a script (stripping out the obvious World of Darkness copyrights) and sending it in to the Writer's Room. You never know, it could work.

I'll resolve to write some more blog entries in the future, I've actually got a backlog from August and July that never saw the light of day, so I'll try and get those up at some point. It's not that I grew bored with blogging, it's just that there's been a lot on in the last few weeks. Including me getting a girlfriend, which was odd enough. I'm just trying to keep on top of it all, to be honest. Hope you didn't miss me too much!

HR GIGER MUSEUM

Now, while we were on holiday in Sunny Swissland, my brother and I noticed a rather odd thing. In the middle of a tiny historic tourist town called Gruyeres (pronounced somewhat like Gree-urrr to us English-speaking lot), we spotted a museum dedicated to the work of HR Giger, a name that movie buffs will recognise as the artist that designed the Alien from the legendary film Alien (as well as its sequels). So we thought after we'd done the obligitary walk around the castle and lunch consisting of over-priced fondue, my brother and I decided to visit the art museum. I mean, it's only an art museum, how weird can that be?

Weird.

So. Very.

WEIRD.

This man's head was not a nice place to be, I assure you. It's got to be one of the most disturbing experiances of my life, spending time in this museum. There are of course whole rooms dedicated to the Alien and the many incarnations that the design went through (it had eyes once upon a time), as well as concept sketches for the Bambi-Alien in Alien 3. But that's just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to this guy. His sequences on The Spell and Corruption were both intensely horrifying and morbidly fascinating to behold, there were images in there that I'm hoping I don't remember too clearly, to be honest with you.

All in all, the appreciation I got from his work was a yearning for a deeper understanding of how humanity and machinery will blend together in the future to come, how the human body can be broken down and replaced wuth augmetics, cybernetics, hydraulics, all kinds of mechanics, how flesh is just another machine to be dismantled and put back together again. Combined with a clearly frustrated sexual tension underlying all of his work (there is an entire section of work that was off-limits to under 18's), this exhibit was both enlightening and disturbing. I came out of that museum slightly shaken and mostly numb.

On the plus side, there's a bar opposite with all of his designs incorporated into the chairs, tables and scenery, which is pretty awesome, as well as, in the lowest corner, kept enshrined, the Oscar he won for the design of Alien. Worth a visit, but take a strong stomach with you.

Next up: SUPER 8.

Wednesday, 31 August 2011

Big Games

I kinda like all my games to be small, quick and low level. This has not really been the case over the last few weekends. First off, I wanted to try and finish my long running World of Darkness game, November's Children. My core players are Andy, Marsh, Ade and Tim, with Andy and Marsh having been in every session. So it was that on Bank Holiday Monday, the five of us, along with my brother, went up to Tim's house to have a barbecue and finish the last three sessions of November's Children in one go.

We succeeded. Partially. We only got two sessions done, since Ade couldn't make it. We ate most of the barbecue, but about a third of the beefburgers I got were left in the fridge for me to have with my pasta in the coming weeks. So another final session will have to be arranged. We gamed for the best part of eight hours, including full scale pitched battles between psychic cultists and angry werewolves, it was pretty damn brutal. In the end, we were only one safehouse siege away from the end of the storyline.

And the weekend after that?

Ian, Robin, Ed, Dave and Weave needed a sixth player in their gargantuan Warhammer battle of Skaven vs. Dwarfs. Now, it's been a long time since I actually played Warhammer and never with this edition of the rules. I've never played with either of those armies. I was on the Skaven team and had to quickly learn as much as I could about my sacrificial force in the middle, that was quickly decimated by massed Dwarf firepower.

The first two turns took an entire day, while the rest of the game was wrapped up on the sunday. It was a close one, with only the narrowest of narrow victories going to the stunty bearded ones. I'm not sure if I enjoyed myself, since I was stuck with an army I didn't really like, playing against an army I didn't really like. I've always thought that Skaven and Dwarfs are well suited to each other.

Both are pretty chin-hairy.

On the other side of the table, Robin was playing with a small contingent of Bretonnians and quite frankly, I would have much rather been over there, since Dave was a grump for most of the game. He's a poor winner and a poor loser, but he's a decent guy all round. I'm not sure how much I miss Warhammer, but I do kinda miss Ian, Robin, Ed and the feeling of hanging out in Miniature Merchants from many, many years ago. Ah... the Big Games.

Okay so...

CAPTAIN AMERICA:
FIRST AVENGER

One the absolutely great things about this Marvel 'Road to the Avengers' is that all the films have this exact same quality to them while being very different in nature. They all have a wonderful feeling of 'we're not brilliant or ground-breaking, but we are a whole load of geeky awesome'.

What with all the tie-ins with Thor and Iron Man, this movie is firmly entrenched in the Marvelverse, and it doesn't do anything to hold it back. This film is entertaining, plenty violent and plays out like a real WW2 epic. The length of time this film covers could easily feel like a lot longer than it is.

Because this is such a straight laced film, without any hint of sarcasm in its telling, it's kinda difficult to understand where the character development comes in, but as soon as you realise that Captain America is kind of like an opposite hero, it all makes sense. Normally a superhero gets their powers and then has to figure out how to actually be a hero with them. With Cap, he's alreay a hero, he just needs to figure out how to be super.

I wasn't entirely sure about Hugo Weaving's Red Skull, but I think that was just something to do with the facial make up. All in all, the supporting cast were incredible, with the Tommy Lee Jones interrogating Toby Jones scene to be an absolute show stealer. So many Joneses... but anyway, Dominic Cooper's Howard Stark was refreshingly familiar, while Natalie Dormer's short role was unexpectedly welcome, considering just how hot she is.

All in all, I genuinely can't wait to see The Avengers, now that all the major players are in place. One of the best things Marvel ever did was to make sure that the leads for these films were not A-list Leading Men, and Chris Evans nails it.

He's our Captain.

And so next... Somthing I saw on my Holiday...

Tuesday, 30 August 2011

Relationships

They have always, always, always confused me. I don't really get them. I don't know why people do them a lot of the time, I don't always see any real benefit. But now I find that due to a single text messege, I have plummetted head first into one.

So a while back, I made the acquaintence of a girl called Moina, who is a huge nerd, an exceptionally talented singer and one of those people who will talk for absolute hours and hours without stopping for that handy breathing thing.

She's brilliant, really.

I don't want to sound like I'm gushing or anything, because I still don't quite know why all this has happenned or what happens next, all I know is that this all kinda new and a bit terrifying, but I think I see now what the upside is.

And I don't just mean the physical part, although that's terrifyingly worth it. I think it's just being able to express those things you keep in the back of your mind and don't normally share. It helps sometimes, I think.

Of course, everyone else already knows this. I haven't been in a relationship since I was 20, and I'm now 27. So all this is kinda like a refresher course in humans, I guess, what the other gender are actually like. Sort of. A bit.

We'll see how it goes, eh?

THE PRINCESS OF MONTPENSIER.

Well, this was a Swashbuckler if ever I saw one. Set in the late 1500's, during the many, many wars between the Catholic Church and the Huguenots, this film is the adaptation of a novella written in the 1600's about a young woman who is forced to marry a well-to-do young noble, while being hopelessly in love with another. Our main character however, is the veteran turned deserter who is recruited to be our Princess' instructor in all things nobility.

It's a classic story, a little heavy handed, but I especially enjoyed watching the central princes fighting over the hand of a girl who was not especially worth it and the depictions of the wars around them. The central character, Marie, did have a splendid development, we see her go from spoiled noble girl to being forced to gain an understanding of the world she's inherited and how she outgrew both of her squabbling princes.

The only real bitch of it was that I had to miss the last five minutes and I can't seem to find a plot synopsis or review online that'll tell me what happenned, so I guess I'll just have to buy the sodding thing on DVD at some point.

Next up: CAPTAIN

Wait for it

AMERICA, THE FIRST AVENGER!!

Wednesday, 17 August 2011

Single-Track Mind

So, it appears that not even I'm interested in my other blog, seeing as how I'm pretty rubbish at actually thinking of things to say for it. I may... *may*... come back to it at some point, but for now I think I'll leave it and concentrate on actually posting on this one. For some reason I only ever seem to update this thing in clumps of four posts.

I've always had something of a multi-track mind, I normally like to have more than one thing going on at any given time, but recently I've been finding that difficuly. Maybe I'm just getting old (he says, being 27), maybe I'm just getting tired of it all. Eh, how many people even read this blog anyway? Does it really matter to anyone but me? Or even me?

So if see another TV series that I really want to talk about, I'll do it in this blog. Sound fair?

POTICHE.

Now, apart from actually being a decent Orange Advert, I didn't know much about this film. It features the incredible nose of Gerard Depardieu, the firm, mature backside of Catherine Deneuve and the gentle, funny, reassuring feel that I have come to expect from French Romantic Comedies.

Genuinely, I'll only watch Rom-Coms if they're French these days, there's just something that the cheese-eating surrender monkeys know about this genre better than the rest of us. I've certainly never seen an American or British one as accomplished as Amilie or Priceless or even this, Potiche.

It's based around women's rights and their role in the workplace, it's got some wickedly funny innuendo and it's upbeat and lighthearted. What more can I say about it?

Next is: The Princess of Montpensier.

Thursday, 4 August 2011

Sunny Swissland

So I find myself in the middle of Europe, with my parents, my brother, his girlfriend and the family dog, all waiting for the opportunity to meet up with twenty more members of my family in the days to come. Oh yes, it's that time again, it's Swissland time. You see, every couple of years, someone on my Mum's side of the family (that is to say, the Hobkirk clan), gets the idea that we just don't see enough of each other, so we organise a get-together at my Uncle Alan's house, which is in Gilly. Next to Geneva.

So holiday time for us, then. We've taken my brother's girlfriend with us, which is intersting, having five humans and one beagle crammed into one tiny chalet for five days in Lauterbrunen before we actually go to Gilly. We made it work, but only due to being outside for a fair amount of the time and having a regularly scheduled family film night (Mammia Mia, The King's Speech, Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, then Shakespeare Retold's Much Ado, if you were interested) and walking the dog.

That dog got walked a lot.

I think the one thing that will sadly stick with me from this holiday is that I find it difficult to spend too much time with my dad, especially in close quarters. We're very different people these days, but then some would say that we're very similiar just with alternate view-points and both have the same kind of stubborn-ness when those view-points conflict. Which is a lot. I found that there were times that I didn't fully enjoy this holiday because I was being forced to spend too much time sitting next to him, which is of course quite sad in it's own way.

However, I am reminded that Swissland is a beautiful country with very nice multilingual people who rely utterly on you as a tourist. The Eiger and the Junfrau are some of the most visually stunning places I've ever been, as my uncle Bill put it, even the lav has a stunning view. We walked up and down and across mountain tops, we clambered through breath-taking waterfalls and we explored through at least one famous cheese-making chateaux. I do like these every-few-years jaunts, if just to see some of the rest of the family and how they are getting on.

My cousins Robin and Kenneth are both completely different from how they were as little brats (I mean kids, yes... kids), Aunty Marion was born to be a Grandmother, I know that for certain now, our collection of family Dogs continues to grow, as does the new third generation (Ryan is 10, Reese is 4, Rory is 3 and Alex is 2) and I'm reminded that I'm just a little bit behind all of my various cousins in terms of career and family.

But at this point, it doesn't matter, I'm here, I'm not changed much and I'm just glad to see most of them. I was even getting on with Carolyn towards the end of it, she's fun to wind up. I do wish that I could see more of my extended family, but there's a fair few that live in Scotland and just one or two that live in Swissland, so I'll have to make do with the ones I do have access too, even if I don't get to see them very often.

GREEN LANTERN.

So this review has been a long time in the genesis. I've been ranting, raving, brooding, bitching and generally sulking about the Green Lantern movie ever since I heard that they'd chosen to go with Ryan Reynolds in the lead role of Hal Jordan rather than an actor. Any actor. Fuck it, they could have just used cut-out images from the comics that didn't move and they'd still be preferable to that insufferably pretty douche.

And so it's here, on the big screen, taking up my money. And it sucks. It really, really does suck. I'm pretty sure that you saw that one coming, but I just can't stress enough how unimpressed with this movie I am. I mean seriously, the amount of money spent on this thing and you'd think they'd put some frickin' effort into it. It really seems like this movie was made with all the attention of watching other super hero movies and copy-pasting the tropes.

There's absolutely nothing in this movie that makes it stand out as original in any way. There's nothing in this movie worth watching. The terrible CGI (where Reynolds actually gains a few pounds from shot to shot where he takes the suit off suddenly) to the utterly pointless version of Parrallax that simply doesn't do any justice to the comics. The only decent recommendation was having the Guardians create the Yellow Ring in the first place, as a weapon of last resort. That worked for me, as did Mark Strong's performance as Sinestro, but all in all, I just can't stress it enough.

This film sucked. SUCKED.

I want my idolation back.

Next time: Potiche

Sunday, 24 July 2011

What Next?

I sometimes do find myself wondering that. I've complete my degree and I'm back working at the same two jobs that I was working at before I left (although I should point out I'm grateful to have two jobs in a time of recession). Oh sure, some of the hours are different and one of them has a new owner, but it's the same thing that I was doing three years ago and it's probably gonna be the same thing that I'll be doing three years from now.

I don't want to sound down or pessimistic when I say this, I'm not actually in a bad mood, but I do wonder what I just spent those three years on and what I'm supposed to get out of it. Obviously I gained a selection of new friends, some more firm than others and some not the ones I thought I'd end up with. I've got my own property, but it's being inhabited by three friends of mine while I live in an overpriced rat-trap in Newbury.

My gaming group is stopping and starting, now that I'm back here I thought the one advantage would be that my role-players would be waiting for me, but it turns out they haven't really been gaming since I left, just waiting for me to run stuff when I came back on sporadic weekends. So I'm gonna have to pull them back together and it may take a sacrifice or two in order to get a decent once-a-week group, because anything less is just unfulfilling.

Ach... kind of ticking over at the moment, life is just life, waiting for it to be something else.

TRANSFORMERS 3:
DARK OF THE MOON

You know what? No. No more. No more benefit of the doubt, no more seeing that Orci and Kurtzman aren't on the writing list so it may be worth it, no more trusting that the heroes of my childhood won't turn around and stab me in the kidneys because they need a new swimming pool for their fourth house. Transformers 3 is a prime example of how the people that pay to see it deserve to have lost their money because if you haven't learned from the last two unbelievable shitheaps then you sure as shit deserve ripping off now. Doesn't matter how much a ticket costs, if you're willing to pay it, the more fool you.

No, it's not better than the second one (which people seem to keep insisting it is), it's just as bad as the second one. No, it's not got great special effects, because all the special effects and CGI in the world can't save a movie like this from being the utter mind-degrading bullshit that it is. There is absolutely no excuse for this kind of movie, even if there are mindless drooling fanboys out there that will pay through the nose to see one giant, blurry, non-descript robot fight another blurry, non-descript robot in the background of Shia LeWhyTheFuckDoYouStillBreathe trying to decide if he's gonna grow a pair.

The absolute worst thing about this film (which is some achievement to be worse than the plot, the acting, the effects, the general feeling of excrement being scraped into your skin that this film instills) is just how many good, honest, decent, hard-working and in the past reliably good actors are in it. Alan Tudyk's in this film. Frances McDormand's in this film. Mother-Fucking John Malkovitch is in this film. And they all play douchebags. And I mean SERIOUS DOUCHEBAGS. The only human character you can actually sympathise with in this film is frickin' Patrick 'McDreamy' Dempsey because he's working with the bad guys.

Why is that sympathising? Because if I lived in a world with THIS MANY TOTAL DOUCHEBAGS then I would want to sell it out to evil robots from outerspace that want to enslave them all as well.

So, the plot, if you can call it that. Sam WitWanky has changed girlfriends to an even less talented actress and is insecure about his future because he's realised that he's a poorly characterised idiot who will never go anywhere. His parents turn up and are douches. His new boss is a douche. He is a douche. The Autobots are off doing some mission or another and then it turns out there's this conspiricy regarding the Cybertronians already having visited Earth in the past and the Apollo mission was a ruse to get to them and wasn't this the 'plot' for the first film or something blah blah blah blah.... blaaaahhhh....

Then Leonard Nimoy shows up and actually dares to rip off his own lines from Star Trek 2: The Wrath of Khan (which he does and he is now dead to me). That pretty much sums up that entire film.

This film is an insult to movie-fans, to sensible human beings, to the vast majority of the world that aren't douchebags and just to decent writing and directing. A hundred thousand decent writers and directors that haven't been discovered yet cry themselves to sleep every time someone puts shit like thin on their DVD player. Every time someone buys a cinema ticket to this, a would be hard-worker get to keep their job at McDonalds. Maybe I'm being too bitter about this, but rest assured that there's no way I'm being too hard on this movie. May it rot in the filth of it's hideousness for all the time it deserves.

Next time: Green Lantern.

Sunday, 17 July 2011

And The Results Are In

I've completed my degree, got my results and I'm now free to go fuck up my life in whatever manner I so choose. There's limitless options and choices ahead of me, none of which are actually open to me, and I'm left dazed and confused as to what to do next with my life, but I'm sure you're all sick of hearing me talk about that now, aren't you.

I can't say as I'm massively thrilled with my results, as always it seems that my treatments and ideas actually get higher marks than my actual scripts, apparently I can talk the talk, but not really walk the walk. Overall, I got a 2:1 for my degree. There's apparently no exact number percentage that I can find to go with that, but it don't matter.

As for my Major Script, I think I could have done better. I got 61%, which is a 2:1 for that individual unit, but it's barely a 2:1. Don't get me wrong, it's what I was expecting, but I really think that my final alterations at the last minute were an improvement on the script as a whole. Well, it's said and done now, maybe I'll get a chance to talk with Mike about it at some point, mainly because I just want to know if I shouldn't have gone with this idea in the first place. But then how can you not go with something that's as close to your heart as my project was for me?

As for the rest, it doesn't bother me. My marketing portfolio didn't do well, but then who gives a crap about that, and my reflective log did completely average, and again, who gives a crap about that. It's all down to the big one, and I can't help but feel that I messed it up in some way. If a 2:1 can be called messing up. Ah well, back to pouring pints and flipping burgers.

SENNA

Easily film of the year. I know it's a documentary, I know that it's reconstructed footage from races and interviews, I know that some may not call it a 'real' film because of this... but it's the film that so far this year I have experianced the most emotional reaction too. That's right, I shed a tear when I watched this film. The story of this man's life is both an exhilirating and enthralling one, a tragic and inspiring one in every second. I was totally taken in by this simple story about the little boy from Brazil that could and that is a very, very hard thing for a film to do.

I knew a little about Ayrton Senna before I went to see this film, but knew that my dad was a big Formula 1 fan, so took him to see this film just after Father's Day and my God was it incredible. So many times you think that real life can't really resemble the fiction we've grown up with, but this story certainly can. The little hero that could, his arch-rival, the tyranny of the overlord, the adrenaline of the race, the overcoming of antagonism and the redemption of long-lost friendships. The differences alone between how Senna and Prost drove are worty of immortalising.

I can't say any more about this film, because it just chokes me up thinking about it. I cannot recommend it highly enough. This will easily be in the top 5 of my films of the year and unless something truly mind-blowing comes along, it'll probably be at the top of that list.

Next: The unspeakable filth of Michael Bay

Sunday, 10 July 2011

Ah Newbury... How I've Missed Ye...

Well, I've been a resident of Newbury once again for about a week now and... well... it's still Newbury. Nothing much has changed. It's not as big and varied as Southampton, but I know almost everyone and I've got two jobs here and... well... it's still Newbury. I still have nerdy friends, two jobs and more free time than I can shake a stick at. I'm currently living in the bedroom of one of my friends, while he's off running a pub in Whitchurh (Hampshire, not Shropshire), so I'm kinda living amongst his stuff.

It's cool though, I was mates with his housemates long before I moved in here and I'd even stayed here on occasion in the past. I'm currently looking to move away again sometime next year, but the right opportunity may present itself to go before that. We'll see, in the end. As it stands, I've got the Corn Exchange and Rios to tide me over, I've got my gaming friends and I've got a new kareoke night every week, although those last two seem to be in competition for the same night of the week. I'm sure it'll all work out somehow.

That's it, really. I'm back, I'm here, I'm entrenched, because in a weird way it feels like I never really left and at the same time, it's like it's a whole new place.

PIRATES OF THE CARRIBEAN:
ON STRANGER TIDES

Now this? This sucked. I mean, it's a real shame to see the results of this particular endevour, seeing as how much I loved the first Pirates film. But the magic is most certainly gone, isn't it, Mr. Depp? So Cap'n Jack is on the way to find the magic mcguffin he was whinging about at the end of the last film (couldn't they have thought up something else?) and the usual assortment of rivals are after it too. Barbossa's back as a British Commodore, but he gets far too little screen time and he's not as fun as he used to be, back in the first film.

You see, the main problem with the Pirates films is that people seem to think that Captain Jack is the main character. He ain't, he ain't by a long shot, or at least he shouldn't be. Jack is a comedy sidekick, that's about it. In the first movie, plucky Will Turner was our main protagonist, who had all the personal growth and story arc to go through, while Jack gets to arse about in a comedy manner over his shoulder. In the second and third films, Jack and Will seemed to be about level-pegging, with Will winning out in the end due to his act of self-sacrifice.

But now? Now there's no main character for Jack to be a foil too. He's in the limelight and we begin to realise that there just isn't enough to him as a character to hold up the movie. Add to that the pointless zombies, the bored Spanish, the questionable use of Blackbeard, the irritating sub-plot of a priest falling in love with a mermaid and... well... the result is pretty much null and void. There's nothing really in this movie, it's two and a half hours of being reminded that the best days of the Carribean are far behind us. Damnit, and I was looking forward to it as well.

Next up: SENNA.