Al, who does occasionally like to refer to himself in the third person, has a list. A list of seven natural enemies. Now, this list has been the source of many anecdotes and musings amongst myself and my friends, and I thought that I'd share it with the internet for now. However, the list is due for a change, I feel that the list is just a tad outdated, so therefore I shall upgrade it here, in the public forum of the world-wide-web.
The former list:
7 - Estate Agents
6 - World of Warcraft
5 - Stairs
4 - Facebook
3 - Vegetarians
2 - Sunlight
1 - Women
Now, Estate Agents are not, as most people assume, human. They are akin to a vermin species that exist on the fringes of actual humanity, feeding off the desperation to get on the housing ladder and taking a perverse pleasure in ruining people's hopes and dreams. World of Warcraft, naturally, sucks the souls from people and has contributed in destroying my second favourite Real Time Strategy series, Warcraft.
In a similiar vein, Facebook is the ENEMY OF MANKIND, absorbing people and controlling their lives. People no longer have any kind of social lives, they exist entirely through Facebook. As for Stairs, well, I'm not a fit man, so they have often stood in my way. I feel that this isn't as justified an entry as some of the others, but I'll get onto making changes in a paragraph or two, when I talk about the others.
Sunlight. I am a creature of the night, I exist in the shadows of my ever-curtained room, I live by the halogen glow of bulbs, I am cloaked in the blackest of clothes and coats. The Day-Star is my nemesis. And as for vegetarians... let me simply say that is the Good Lord didn't want us to eat animals... he wouldn't have made them so very, very tasty... mmmmm... steak... Sorry, getting carried away there, aren't I?
So, the new list.
Estate Agents haven't crossed my path for a good year and a half, so I'm not sure if I'll keep them on the list. Stairs... well, I defeat them on a regular basis, I'm not sure they're worthy anymore, so perhaps they should go?
Pretty sure that vegetarians and sunlight are fixed entries, but they may slide down the list a little. What about the electronic ones, eh? WoW and Facebook? Well, I do frickin' dislike them, but they rarely affect me...
My new list, then:
7 - MMORPG's
6 - Facebook
5 - Sweden
4 - Vegetarians
3 - Sunlight
2 - Orci + Kurtzman
1 - Women
If I amalgamate WoW into MMO's, then I get to neatly cover The Old Republic, Warhammer Online and a host of others that ruin my favourite sci-fi/fantasy worlds in the form of MMO's (the worst way to represent a world). The Swede's have wronged me, that's pretty clear, the rest slip down a bit... Orci + Kurtzman are the villians who ruined Star Trek and the Transformers movies, I can't quite believe they haven't been up there before. And as for Women... well, that's a whole different blog post, eh?!
UNSTOPPABLE.
Well, spurned on by a mild tirade launched by our head of course the other day, I decided that I really wanted to see Unstoppable. It's supposed to be 'Speed 4'. Was there a Speed 3? I can't remember, so never mind. Mike was basically saying that as one of the most influential black actors in Hollywood, Mr. Denzel Washington has a responsibility to work with, say, up and coming black directors to further the cause of black film-making, as oppose to making the same old action film with Tony Scott.
But I love me some Tony Scott and I love me some Denzel Washington, so there's no way I'm avoiding that film (although I saw it a month after I thought I was going to, grumble grumble Coates...) just because 'it's the same old action film'. Yes, Denzel's done a good five movies with Tony now, but since most of them were pretty enjoyable and pretty damn tense, there's no reason to think that this one will be an exception. And you know what, it really, really wasn't. Even with Chris Pine in it.
Unstoppable is the story of a 'coaster' that got away from all the efforts to get it under control, a train that was left to operate under power and then went runaway, threatening to level most of southern Pennsylvania.
Only a mismatched train driver veteran and his newbie partner (Washington and Pine) stand a chance of being able to do something about it and they embark on an utterly daring plan that... well, no spoilers from me, eh?
Basically, this film sets out to be a disaster/action movie with a fast pace, likeable characters, solid plot and a massive sense of tension. There are some fictional discrepancies (why does the media have a handy photo and name tag of everyone who works for the train company?) and you can tell that the actual event, the CSX 8888 Incident in 2001, has been tributed but also exaggerated, but this is the movies, exaggeration comes with the premise. So is this just the same old action film?
Yes. That's why it's good.
Next up: Monsters.
Monday, 6 December 2010
Saturday, 4 December 2010
DecemBEARD
Well, with my faith fully restored in the democratic process, I set out into December with a face covered in ginger fuzz. I shall explain what I mean by that. Since last month was the month of NovemBEARD, I decided that perhaps I should make a go of this facial hair malarky and keep on going. So I sent out a text and a couple of MSN windows asking for my friends to vote on whether or not I should keep the monstrosity.
The results were:
In favour - 14
Against - 6
Abstain - 6
So, of the 26 people that were invited to vote, 6 didn't bother answering and the majority of the rest wish to see my face continue its covering. Not that it's a very impressive covering, a lot of guys I know could twice the beard I could in half the time, but this isn't something my face is used too, so maybe it'll pick up as I go along. Grasby also suggested that I carry on into MANuary, but I think I shall have another vote.
Might be sick of it by then.
What else I am sick of is my inability to get some sleep when I think it's a good idea and it's been an appropriate amount of time since I last got up. One day I'm gonna scribble down my sleeping and waking times in order to show people just what I'm like, and I bet they won't believe it.
So here I am at 4am sitting cross-legged in my dressing gown on my bed without any lights on, staring at this bright white screen in order to tap these pointless little words. Figure I'm running out of things to say, although I know there are things I want to talk about in my blog. Maybe.
Maybe, from next year, I'll try and talk about my life a bit more, that sounds like a resolution sort of thing. Not sure if I could pad it out to one-issue-per-blog... I probably have too many issues for that, but I could give it a go. Maybe. Then at least you'll be relieved to get to the film review.
Speaking of:
MACHETE.
Now, I am against downloading. Even through legal channels, even if I were paying for it, I'm against downloading. Mainly because it has such piratical connotations (and not the swashbuckling kind) and also because I have no idea how it works. That level of technology is alien to me. So, it should come as a surprise when I say that I watched a downloaded copy of this movie. But I shall tell you why I did this.
NOWHERE in Southampton was showing it. Not Cineworld, not Harbour Lights, not Odeon... just Tom's front room late on a friday evening. Now, that would normally disqualify this film for review in my own little rules because I wish to only review films I'd seen in the cinema but damnit, I wanted to talk about this movie because I'd been looking forwards to it for quite some time. So, downloaded copy it is.
Pretty much everything about this film is bad.
But then, that was the whole idea, wasn't it?
The characters are pretty shallow and predictable, the action is cheesy and over-the-top and the plot is twisted around and back again to the point of ridiculousness. But that was the point of this movie in the first place! Machete is a tribute to the exploitation movies of the seventies, specifically calling itself Mexploitation due to its Latin flavour and leading cast (the indomitable Danny Trejo, the fiesty Michelle Rodriguez and the undeniable Cheech Marin, hells yeah!) and it does everything in its power not to disappoint those flicks.
This is a fast moving, hugely violent, slick, sexy movie with a hell of a lot of underlaying message concerning immigration and cultural differences between the States and Mexico, with an all star cast (as well as the names above count in Jessica Alba, Jeff Fahey, Tom Savini, Steven Seagal and mo-fo'in' ROBERT DENIRO) and enough outrageous fight scenes to satisfy anyone. This is a movie that takes no prisoners and makes you laugh the whole way through, but it isn't perfect, it's cheap and nasty too.
The only real downside I had with this movie is the same one I had back with Black Dynamite and the actual Grindhouse movies of Planet Terror and Deathproof, the plots are really, really convoluted in places and they can be really difficult to follow. Black Dynamite was probably the worst for it, but this up there as well with being damn difficult to keep up with sometimes. Other than that, this is a highly enjoyable movie. Check it out and don't under any circumstances, take it seriously!!
Next one is: UNSTOPPABLE
The results were:
In favour - 14
Against - 6
Abstain - 6
So, of the 26 people that were invited to vote, 6 didn't bother answering and the majority of the rest wish to see my face continue its covering. Not that it's a very impressive covering, a lot of guys I know could twice the beard I could in half the time, but this isn't something my face is used too, so maybe it'll pick up as I go along. Grasby also suggested that I carry on into MANuary, but I think I shall have another vote.
Might be sick of it by then.
What else I am sick of is my inability to get some sleep when I think it's a good idea and it's been an appropriate amount of time since I last got up. One day I'm gonna scribble down my sleeping and waking times in order to show people just what I'm like, and I bet they won't believe it.
So here I am at 4am sitting cross-legged in my dressing gown on my bed without any lights on, staring at this bright white screen in order to tap these pointless little words. Figure I'm running out of things to say, although I know there are things I want to talk about in my blog. Maybe.
Maybe, from next year, I'll try and talk about my life a bit more, that sounds like a resolution sort of thing. Not sure if I could pad it out to one-issue-per-blog... I probably have too many issues for that, but I could give it a go. Maybe. Then at least you'll be relieved to get to the film review.
Speaking of:
MACHETE.
Now, I am against downloading. Even through legal channels, even if I were paying for it, I'm against downloading. Mainly because it has such piratical connotations (and not the swashbuckling kind) and also because I have no idea how it works. That level of technology is alien to me. So, it should come as a surprise when I say that I watched a downloaded copy of this movie. But I shall tell you why I did this.
NOWHERE in Southampton was showing it. Not Cineworld, not Harbour Lights, not Odeon... just Tom's front room late on a friday evening. Now, that would normally disqualify this film for review in my own little rules because I wish to only review films I'd seen in the cinema but damnit, I wanted to talk about this movie because I'd been looking forwards to it for quite some time. So, downloaded copy it is.
Pretty much everything about this film is bad.
But then, that was the whole idea, wasn't it?
The characters are pretty shallow and predictable, the action is cheesy and over-the-top and the plot is twisted around and back again to the point of ridiculousness. But that was the point of this movie in the first place! Machete is a tribute to the exploitation movies of the seventies, specifically calling itself Mexploitation due to its Latin flavour and leading cast (the indomitable Danny Trejo, the fiesty Michelle Rodriguez and the undeniable Cheech Marin, hells yeah!) and it does everything in its power not to disappoint those flicks.
This is a fast moving, hugely violent, slick, sexy movie with a hell of a lot of underlaying message concerning immigration and cultural differences between the States and Mexico, with an all star cast (as well as the names above count in Jessica Alba, Jeff Fahey, Tom Savini, Steven Seagal and mo-fo'in' ROBERT DENIRO) and enough outrageous fight scenes to satisfy anyone. This is a movie that takes no prisoners and makes you laugh the whole way through, but it isn't perfect, it's cheap and nasty too.
The only real downside I had with this movie is the same one I had back with Black Dynamite and the actual Grindhouse movies of Planet Terror and Deathproof, the plots are really, really convoluted in places and they can be really difficult to follow. Black Dynamite was probably the worst for it, but this up there as well with being damn difficult to keep up with sometimes. Other than that, this is a highly enjoyable movie. Check it out and don't under any circumstances, take it seriously!!
Next one is: UNSTOPPABLE
Saturday, 27 November 2010
Ze French are coming...
My good friend Justine came over from Britanny to visit yesterday. She's not actually French, but has been living there for the past couple of years and certainly speaks the lingo better than I ever could (despite my mother being fluent in French and Spanish AND being a former full-time languages teacher). It was good to see her, she's a link back to a different time back in newbury, when I was much more of a screw-up than I am now, I think.
In an odd way, she's a reminder of the real world to me. It's kind of easy for me to be locked away in my room with my radiator and my gaming books and laptop and forget about the real world, just as long as I stick to my writing quota then everything's fine as far as I'm concerned. Then I go online and talk to Justine and it reminds me that some people have to work 12 hours a day every day for very little money and it can wear you down after time.
Now, I'm not trying to comment on her life, I have a great deal of respect for her (although don't tell her I said that), since she works at what was her parent's dream, to make it happen for them, and it's helped her a great deal as well, it's just not easy and there's no real end in sight.
We all have to work, we all have to flail around with money and banks and councils and officials and people that tell you that you're wrong and you owe them and whatever... I guess in my life I've been quite fortunately sheltered from a lot of this, but I've had almost my share, I think.
So, hats off to the French girl, it's good to see her and it's good to know that she's doing okay. Now, back to being mean to her!
In other news, I got the essay back, the one that I ranted a fair deal about in a previous post. You want to know what I got?
66%. That's a 2:1.
Now, I have no idea what I did to deserve that. My essay was largely drivel stuck together with consistent sub-headings and sarcasm. I can't believe that Sara gave me the mark she did, even after she explained why to me I still can't quite get my head around it. I'll actually qoute some for you now:
"But that's just what I think, and what do I know? So, to find a collection of pretentious Frenchmen who've been dead for forty years to back up my claims, then my essay can be considered to have some academic weight."
And that got a 2:1. I mean, can you believe it? Apparently if I'd dropped all the sarcasm (which would have involved a fair amount of cutting, around 30% of the essay), then it would have been 1st territory, according to Sara. It's baffling, I know that I'm not that clever, why don't they?
Been talking about the French a lot, apparently, there's all sorts of influences they have. Half the characters in my latest novel attempt are French (that's Imperia, for those of you in the know), a fair few in Servants of God are French, by neccessity (they were there, after all).
I should reconsider learning French, perhaps.
SKYLINE.
Well, I can safely say that if I hadn't seen the Clash of the Titans remake at the start of the year, then this would have been the worst film of 2010. As it stands, it's the second worst.
Aliens invade Los Angeles. Survivors hole up in an apartment and watch some of the carnage, waiting for a chance to escape. Air wars outside. Giant monsters. Hynotic blue lights.
And it SUCKS?!
I mean, this is the kind of thing that I actually *like* movies to be about! This has all the ingredients for a movie that I would really, really like to enjoy! But somehow, this movie went from a promising opening 45 seconds to the biggest waste of 90 minutes since the Titans remake. I mean seriously, it's not hard to do this kind of thing, given all those ingredients and a half decent special effects budget then you can actually make an enjoyable movie without getting out of bed.
I mean, look at Cloverfield, look at District 9, look at Alien, all of these were shot on a shoestring and all of them were frickin' awesome movies.
This films has two main flaws and they're normally the ones I don't pick on, since I'm normally focussed on the writing side of things. They are:
ACTING and DIRECTING.
Acting. Now, don't let me say that I judge people on the quality of their name, but Eric Balfour and Donald 'Turk from Scrubs' Faison don't instantly inspire confidence when you hear that they're the title cast. I'm all for giving little players a chance, but if they're going to simply phone it in like they did in this movie, then screw 'em. Even the owls had more conviction.
Directing. The Brothers Strause need to be taken out behind a barn and shot. Repeatedly. While being filmed. Without any CGI. These guys couldn't make a decent movie if someone else did it for them. These guys are such talentless wastes of space that I'm pretty sure my pneumonia-stricken puppy could have done a better job at inserting tension and narrative into this movie.
This film drags its knuckles through overly shiny alien monsters and drools quietly in the face of cool as it speeds on by, oblivious to the fact that it sucks. Because at least the creatures are pretty, right? And the CGI? More CGI, yeah?
Mind you, this movie does have one thing going for it. When Battle: Los Angeles comes out next year (a film about aliens invading Los Angeles that's actually inspired by real events), this movie will make B:LA look AMAZING by comparison.
Next up: MACHETE
Thursday, 18 November 2010
Third Draft
So I'm going into the third draft of my screenplay, Servants of God, which will hopefully change the nature of the central character, pack in some more action and improve the general quality of the material. I can but hope. It's been a while that I've been working on it and I'm not quite sick of it yet, so hopefully I won't be until the time I have to hand it in, in May.
You know, of all the essays and projects and assignments we've got for our third year, this one isn't worrying me. It probably should, since it's the biggest and most important one we've got, but I, for some reason, have faith in myself to pull it off. I have absolutely no justification for that faith, but then I suppose that's what faith is all about, eh?
I know that I'm way ahead of the pack with this script, some people still haven't decided what they're going to be writing about, but I know that I can't get too cocky, just have to keep chipping away at it and it'll all be okay. Ish. Maybe.
So in other news... actually, I'm struggling to think of any. I'm off to newbury later today, in about ten minutes I think, as soon as Idge arrives to drive me back and forth. She's a good mate to have like that, since I'm staying with her as well.
Better that than my previous place, that's for sure. Things were getting somewhat awkward there.
I'm working on getting me a copy of Rogue Trader, the third WH40K roleplay book, mainly because I think it has the most potential amongst the three games they've done for actual exploration and character development. But we'll see. Yeah, that really is it for the news, I really don't have much to discuss right now. I'll think of something for next time.
THE LEGEND OF THE GUARDIANS:
----THE OWLS OF GA'HOOLE----
Now you look at a title like that and you think, whutdafuggisat? That's the worst kind of fantasy title right there. All fantasy has to include weird sounding names for things that are normally possessed of at least one apostraphe (*cough* long live Quan'Kira'an *cough*), but putting them in the actual title? Oooh, not a good move.
So yes, this is a film that's one part Lord of the Rings, one part Star Wars, one part Lion King and seven parts CGI all mixed together with a hefty drizzle of Owls. Yes, almost all the characters are owls and they are voiced by a massive plethora of vocal talent, including Helen Mirren, Geoffry Rush, Sam Niell, David Wenham and Hugo Weaving, to name a few.
This film is nothing you haven't seen before.
All of the story elements are taken from somewhere else, all of the characters are standard fantasy archetypes and there's nothing original in this movie. That sounds a bit harsh, but we've got to remember that this is primarily a kids film, so lets look at it from that angle, since kids probably haven't seen Lord of the Rings or Star Wars (although they should definately see the Lion King) and won't for some time. So in that respect it should conjour up all the feelings that those films inspire in older audiances, in which case... okay then.
The only real problem with it being a kids film is that it's full of a sense of urgency that doesn't make sense to us oldies. They get captured RIGHT AWAY. They learn to fly RIGHT AWAY. They're chased out of the evil owl kingdom RIGHT AWAY. They make new friends RIGHT AWAY yadda yadda yadda. It gets a bit old how nobody seems to pause for breath every now and then, but again, it's a kids film (although I should make it clear that I don't like kids, in case you didn't know that already). The only really interesting part of this movie is who its director is.
Zack frickin' Snyder.
So yes, there is a ton of slow-motion, metal claw weilding, ariel owl-on-owl action and yes, it's almost as brutal as 300 and Watchmen. I mean, getting Zack to do a kids film... you might as well get Eli Roth, it's just surprising is all. But of course, because it's Snyder, the film is brilliantly choreographed and the graphics are flawless. That's not much in terms of making up for the rest, but it'll do.
After all, it's a kids film, right?
Next time: Skyline.
You know, of all the essays and projects and assignments we've got for our third year, this one isn't worrying me. It probably should, since it's the biggest and most important one we've got, but I, for some reason, have faith in myself to pull it off. I have absolutely no justification for that faith, but then I suppose that's what faith is all about, eh?
I know that I'm way ahead of the pack with this script, some people still haven't decided what they're going to be writing about, but I know that I can't get too cocky, just have to keep chipping away at it and it'll all be okay. Ish. Maybe.
So in other news... actually, I'm struggling to think of any. I'm off to newbury later today, in about ten minutes I think, as soon as Idge arrives to drive me back and forth. She's a good mate to have like that, since I'm staying with her as well.
Better that than my previous place, that's for sure. Things were getting somewhat awkward there.
I'm working on getting me a copy of Rogue Trader, the third WH40K roleplay book, mainly because I think it has the most potential amongst the three games they've done for actual exploration and character development. But we'll see. Yeah, that really is it for the news, I really don't have much to discuss right now. I'll think of something for next time.
THE LEGEND OF THE GUARDIANS:
----THE OWLS OF GA'HOOLE----
Now you look at a title like that and you think, whutdafuggisat? That's the worst kind of fantasy title right there. All fantasy has to include weird sounding names for things that are normally possessed of at least one apostraphe (*cough* long live Quan'Kira'an *cough*), but putting them in the actual title? Oooh, not a good move.
So yes, this is a film that's one part Lord of the Rings, one part Star Wars, one part Lion King and seven parts CGI all mixed together with a hefty drizzle of Owls. Yes, almost all the characters are owls and they are voiced by a massive plethora of vocal talent, including Helen Mirren, Geoffry Rush, Sam Niell, David Wenham and Hugo Weaving, to name a few.
This film is nothing you haven't seen before.
All of the story elements are taken from somewhere else, all of the characters are standard fantasy archetypes and there's nothing original in this movie. That sounds a bit harsh, but we've got to remember that this is primarily a kids film, so lets look at it from that angle, since kids probably haven't seen Lord of the Rings or Star Wars (although they should definately see the Lion King) and won't for some time. So in that respect it should conjour up all the feelings that those films inspire in older audiances, in which case... okay then.
The only real problem with it being a kids film is that it's full of a sense of urgency that doesn't make sense to us oldies. They get captured RIGHT AWAY. They learn to fly RIGHT AWAY. They're chased out of the evil owl kingdom RIGHT AWAY. They make new friends RIGHT AWAY yadda yadda yadda. It gets a bit old how nobody seems to pause for breath every now and then, but again, it's a kids film (although I should make it clear that I don't like kids, in case you didn't know that already). The only really interesting part of this movie is who its director is.
Zack frickin' Snyder.
So yes, there is a ton of slow-motion, metal claw weilding, ariel owl-on-owl action and yes, it's almost as brutal as 300 and Watchmen. I mean, getting Zack to do a kids film... you might as well get Eli Roth, it's just surprising is all. But of course, because it's Snyder, the film is brilliantly choreographed and the graphics are flawless. That's not much in terms of making up for the rest, but it'll do.
After all, it's a kids film, right?
Next time: Skyline.
Tuesday, 9 November 2010
NovemBEARD
So it turns out that my last post was actually my one year anniversary of blogging on this particular sight and YAY, look at all the prestige and power that it has brought me. I'm still a screenwriting student, I still live in Southampton, I'm still profoundly single and I still spend most of my nights tapping away at manuscripts that'll never see the light of day.
Anyway, this is the month of November, also know as NovemBEARD, in which men, manly men that is, grow excessive amounts of facial hair and strut it proudly in a vague relation to supporting testicular cancer research. Or breast cancer research. One of them. I've never been much of a beard man. The one time I did actually grow one was when I first moved to Solent and managed to forget my razor, which my parents brought down to me seven weeks later (no point in buying a new one, I thought). It wasn't a particularly impressive beard, more of a fuzzy chin-strap really.
Why I'm actually partaking of NovemBEARD I'm not quite sure, since the quite bright ginger of my facial hair will severely clash with my dark brown hair, so I'll probably have to shave my head in order to keep the beard, but that'll probably be around the end of November, in which case I'll be stuck like that for a while. Ah well, what's the worst that can happen, I'll look like a thug again? Maybe the next time I intervene in a pair of chavs starting on people in a bus stop (must tell that story some time), they'll be scared off by my bizarre appearence.
So. Essay. (Told you I'd complain about it, didn't I)
"To exist, the body requires language." - Discuss.
I hate this essay that we've got at the moment. We've had our fair share of them over this course and normally they're a bit irritating but fine to get to grips with. Even the dreaded Ian McKay's 2nd Year legendary essay title:
"In the Secular Age, there is an increasing pressure being placed on the media industries to offer a clear view of the role of the citizen in the 21st Century." - Discuss this statement in relation to the term 'Social Capital'...
... didn't garner as much discontent from the class. (I'm writing this section on the 14th, since I kinda left it for a few days again. By this time I've actually finished the essay and handed it in, expecting my failing grade any day now).
The problem with "To exist, the body requires language" is that we then have to reference one of only five movies to discuss in relation too, then have to draw sources from critical theory. Now, critical theory is a MASSIVE waste of time at the best of times, but in support of this subject, with such a limited basis of movies to choose from, makes this task both dull and constrictive. Those movies, in case you were interested:
- 120 Days of Sodom (don't look it up)
- The Night Porter (intensly boring)
- The Servant (almost as bad again)
- Hedwig and the Angry Inch
- Bent (interesting concept, didn't see it)
The only reason I didn't add any parantheticals for Hedwig was because it was the film I chose to reference. Each movie was supposed to talk about a high concept (The Servant was about class struggle, Bent was about oppression of homosexuality and so on), but the major problem with all these films is that they were sodding BORING. This is not a good thing.
Now, call me a philistine, but if I've got to sit and listen to someone's opinion on yadda yadda subject 9 I don't normally care about, at least make the film FUN to start off with? That way, people actually pay attention. Look at District 9 for feck's sake! So yes, Hedwig was the only film present that was actually entertaining to watch in the first place.
So. Did my essay. It's full of sarcasm.
Wow, this turned into a very long post.
R etired
E xtremely
D angerous
Now we've been looking forwards to this one for a while, haven't we? There's been a slew of team-based action movies this year, what with the Losers, the A-Team, the Expendables and Predators and RED is now up there with that lot in terms of content, but a lot higher than some in terms of quality (you know who you are).
So a retired CIA hatchetman is targeted by a bunch of Agency Killers in an inside job headed by Karl Urban and they quickly find that they've bitten off far more than they can chew. Hilarity and action ensue as their primary target, Willis, bands together his old cronies in order to take down the conspiricy against them.
Well, what can I say, really? You've got a film with Bruce Willis, John Malkovitch, Morgan Freeman, Helen Mirren and Brian sodding Cox taking on people a good forty years their juniour and kicking their collective backsides in well-paced, well-thought out action. The youngest good guy contributer is Mary-Louise Parker as a possibly out of place love interest, but she makes up for it by being plain sultry. Why producers must always shovel in a love interest, even when there isn't any need for one, I have no idea, but hey ho, let's get on with it.
The film is perfectly good, the action is very satisfying, the plot is just the right amount of backseat to the aforementioned action and the acting is... well, how do you think it is with those names at the top of the list? My only real problem with the plot of the movie is the 'double death' of one of the characters, since we kind of expected him to come back the second time as well, it wasn't quite serious enough second time around. After that, this is a perfectly functional movie with plenty of entertainment to be had within it.
I doubt this is going to be one of those action films that can stick it out in the long run, however, like Shoot 'em Up or Crank, which is a shame considering the cast list. It's probably one of those that'll fade in our memories after a little while, but I can live with that. It was great while it lasted.
Helen Mirren? She STILL got it.
Next up: The damned Owl movie.
Anyway, this is the month of November, also know as NovemBEARD, in which men, manly men that is, grow excessive amounts of facial hair and strut it proudly in a vague relation to supporting testicular cancer research. Or breast cancer research. One of them. I've never been much of a beard man. The one time I did actually grow one was when I first moved to Solent and managed to forget my razor, which my parents brought down to me seven weeks later (no point in buying a new one, I thought). It wasn't a particularly impressive beard, more of a fuzzy chin-strap really.
Why I'm actually partaking of NovemBEARD I'm not quite sure, since the quite bright ginger of my facial hair will severely clash with my dark brown hair, so I'll probably have to shave my head in order to keep the beard, but that'll probably be around the end of November, in which case I'll be stuck like that for a while. Ah well, what's the worst that can happen, I'll look like a thug again? Maybe the next time I intervene in a pair of chavs starting on people in a bus stop (must tell that story some time), they'll be scared off by my bizarre appearence.
So. Essay. (Told you I'd complain about it, didn't I)
"To exist, the body requires language." - Discuss.
I hate this essay that we've got at the moment. We've had our fair share of them over this course and normally they're a bit irritating but fine to get to grips with. Even the dreaded Ian McKay's 2nd Year legendary essay title:
"In the Secular Age, there is an increasing pressure being placed on the media industries to offer a clear view of the role of the citizen in the 21st Century." - Discuss this statement in relation to the term 'Social Capital'...
... didn't garner as much discontent from the class. (I'm writing this section on the 14th, since I kinda left it for a few days again. By this time I've actually finished the essay and handed it in, expecting my failing grade any day now).
The problem with "To exist, the body requires language" is that we then have to reference one of only five movies to discuss in relation too, then have to draw sources from critical theory. Now, critical theory is a MASSIVE waste of time at the best of times, but in support of this subject, with such a limited basis of movies to choose from, makes this task both dull and constrictive. Those movies, in case you were interested:
- 120 Days of Sodom (don't look it up)
- The Night Porter (intensly boring)
- The Servant (almost as bad again)
- Hedwig and the Angry Inch
- Bent (interesting concept, didn't see it)
The only reason I didn't add any parantheticals for Hedwig was because it was the film I chose to reference. Each movie was supposed to talk about a high concept (The Servant was about class struggle, Bent was about oppression of homosexuality and so on), but the major problem with all these films is that they were sodding BORING. This is not a good thing.
Now, call me a philistine, but if I've got to sit and listen to someone's opinion on yadda yadda subject 9 I don't normally care about, at least make the film FUN to start off with? That way, people actually pay attention. Look at District 9 for feck's sake! So yes, Hedwig was the only film present that was actually entertaining to watch in the first place.
So. Did my essay. It's full of sarcasm.
Wow, this turned into a very long post.
R etired
E xtremely
D angerous
Now we've been looking forwards to this one for a while, haven't we? There's been a slew of team-based action movies this year, what with the Losers, the A-Team, the Expendables and Predators and RED is now up there with that lot in terms of content, but a lot higher than some in terms of quality (you know who you are).
So a retired CIA hatchetman is targeted by a bunch of Agency Killers in an inside job headed by Karl Urban and they quickly find that they've bitten off far more than they can chew. Hilarity and action ensue as their primary target, Willis, bands together his old cronies in order to take down the conspiricy against them.
Well, what can I say, really? You've got a film with Bruce Willis, John Malkovitch, Morgan Freeman, Helen Mirren and Brian sodding Cox taking on people a good forty years their juniour and kicking their collective backsides in well-paced, well-thought out action. The youngest good guy contributer is Mary-Louise Parker as a possibly out of place love interest, but she makes up for it by being plain sultry. Why producers must always shovel in a love interest, even when there isn't any need for one, I have no idea, but hey ho, let's get on with it.
The film is perfectly good, the action is very satisfying, the plot is just the right amount of backseat to the aforementioned action and the acting is... well, how do you think it is with those names at the top of the list? My only real problem with the plot of the movie is the 'double death' of one of the characters, since we kind of expected him to come back the second time as well, it wasn't quite serious enough second time around. After that, this is a perfectly functional movie with plenty of entertainment to be had within it.
I doubt this is going to be one of those action films that can stick it out in the long run, however, like Shoot 'em Up or Crank, which is a shame considering the cast list. It's probably one of those that'll fade in our memories after a little while, but I can live with that. It was great while it lasted.
Helen Mirren? She STILL got it.
Next up: The damned Owl movie.
Saturday, 6 November 2010
Remember Remember...
I have recently discover, on the Escapist forums, a thread entitled 'It's November 5th, what are you going to be doing?'. The list of activities then listed as options were 'Nothing' and 6 variations on 'Watching V for Vendetta'.
Now... I'm not one to mock ignorance... no... wait... yes I am.
In my reply I posted 'that's like asking people what they're going to be doing on the 4th of July, killing aliens or smoking cigars with Jeff Goldblum?'. It kind of staggers me to think that someone actually believes that Alan Moore came up with November 5th as a holiday in order to write a graphic novel about it, which then became a much poorer movie. Still, it's been a while since I was on a forum site, it might help to infantalise my mind, or at least give me a non-porn based reason to spend hours on the internet at a time. Go me.
On the other front, November 5th is the birthday of one of our most treasured classmates, WILL SALE, founding member of the Knights... of CLUNGE, and general all-round legend. It was a good night, with much things being burned (it being Bonfire night after all), many things being liberated from nearby gardens in order to be burned, much shot-ing that Will managed a great deal better than his predecessors and a plethora of gifts. Will's one of these people that it's just great to help him celebrate, and we were at it for hours. Many of them.
Will is now the proud owner of his very own Knights... of CLUNGE tshirt, which'll make the rounds so that everyone in that most august of organisations can have one, then we can go to parties together and be mocked for it. Good times.
In other news, my phone is well and truly screwed (it now only works half the time), the plug for my bath is completely clogged and will no longer drain water and it feels like we're up to our ears in assessments. Que essay whinging for next post.
Good times. Oh yeah.
LET ME IN.
So, a good while back me and Ad tried to watch Let The Right One In, a Swedish Vampire movie that apparently had true vampire fans sharpening their pointy teeth and squealing in girlish delight since none of their creatures of the night sparkled. Truth be told, we got 40 minutes into it and turned it off. It was very, very slow and very, very unstimulating. We decided that we'd have to give it another go at some point, but we were just too tired to put the effort into that film at the time. Also, we'd just watched Flame and Citreon, a Danish film about WW2 Resistance Fighters, which was much more up-paced and frantic. If you haven't heard of/seen that movie, you HAVE TO check it out.
Then Coates invites me to come see Let Me In with him on an advanced viewing. We get the train, we go to Crawley, we see this absolutely MASSIVE Cineworld, we get in, we sit down, film begins.
Now, I haven't seen all of Let The Right One In, but the first half an hour might as well have been a shot-for-shot remake, with the exception of the prologue sequence in the ambulance.
This gave me a much better sense of the original film, since this one was pretty much exactly the same, even down to the visual style, as far as I could tell. Now, nothing can stop America trying to remake foriegn language films, especially popular foriegn language films, but it's always seemed like such a waste of time to me. This kind of film is probably one of the worst culprits in that regard, since it's a near-enough carbon copy of Let The Right One In. But at the same time, it's actually quite a good movie. It's tense, it's dark, it's well shot, it's well acted, there's a lot of little details that really bring it to life... which almost in a way makes it worse.
You can be okay with Quarrantine being a crap remake of [rec], but this actually threatens the original film in a way that wasn't really expected. I'd say you could see either one and be satisfied, but that feels a bit unfair to the hard-working Swedish crew who put a lot of blood (heh, pun), sweat and tears into their film, only to have it remade near as damnit, by a bunch of yanks. But decent work is decent work, and I can't blame the Americans under Matt Reeves for doing a good job, as much as I think they should be blamed for it. It's a confusing world, eh? I'm sure I'll go back and watch all of the Swedish movie one day, but the American one is just as good and half an hour shorter.
Next up: RED.
Now... I'm not one to mock ignorance... no... wait... yes I am.
In my reply I posted 'that's like asking people what they're going to be doing on the 4th of July, killing aliens or smoking cigars with Jeff Goldblum?'. It kind of staggers me to think that someone actually believes that Alan Moore came up with November 5th as a holiday in order to write a graphic novel about it, which then became a much poorer movie. Still, it's been a while since I was on a forum site, it might help to infantalise my mind, or at least give me a non-porn based reason to spend hours on the internet at a time. Go me.
On the other front, November 5th is the birthday of one of our most treasured classmates, WILL SALE, founding member of the Knights... of CLUNGE, and general all-round legend. It was a good night, with much things being burned (it being Bonfire night after all), many things being liberated from nearby gardens in order to be burned, much shot-ing that Will managed a great deal better than his predecessors and a plethora of gifts. Will's one of these people that it's just great to help him celebrate, and we were at it for hours. Many of them.
Will is now the proud owner of his very own Knights... of CLUNGE tshirt, which'll make the rounds so that everyone in that most august of organisations can have one, then we can go to parties together and be mocked for it. Good times.
In other news, my phone is well and truly screwed (it now only works half the time), the plug for my bath is completely clogged and will no longer drain water and it feels like we're up to our ears in assessments. Que essay whinging for next post.
Good times. Oh yeah.
LET ME IN.
So, a good while back me and Ad tried to watch Let The Right One In, a Swedish Vampire movie that apparently had true vampire fans sharpening their pointy teeth and squealing in girlish delight since none of their creatures of the night sparkled. Truth be told, we got 40 minutes into it and turned it off. It was very, very slow and very, very unstimulating. We decided that we'd have to give it another go at some point, but we were just too tired to put the effort into that film at the time. Also, we'd just watched Flame and Citreon, a Danish film about WW2 Resistance Fighters, which was much more up-paced and frantic. If you haven't heard of/seen that movie, you HAVE TO check it out.
Then Coates invites me to come see Let Me In with him on an advanced viewing. We get the train, we go to Crawley, we see this absolutely MASSIVE Cineworld, we get in, we sit down, film begins.
Now, I haven't seen all of Let The Right One In, but the first half an hour might as well have been a shot-for-shot remake, with the exception of the prologue sequence in the ambulance.
This gave me a much better sense of the original film, since this one was pretty much exactly the same, even down to the visual style, as far as I could tell. Now, nothing can stop America trying to remake foriegn language films, especially popular foriegn language films, but it's always seemed like such a waste of time to me. This kind of film is probably one of the worst culprits in that regard, since it's a near-enough carbon copy of Let The Right One In. But at the same time, it's actually quite a good movie. It's tense, it's dark, it's well shot, it's well acted, there's a lot of little details that really bring it to life... which almost in a way makes it worse.
You can be okay with Quarrantine being a crap remake of [rec], but this actually threatens the original film in a way that wasn't really expected. I'd say you could see either one and be satisfied, but that feels a bit unfair to the hard-working Swedish crew who put a lot of blood (heh, pun), sweat and tears into their film, only to have it remade near as damnit, by a bunch of yanks. But decent work is decent work, and I can't blame the Americans under Matt Reeves for doing a good job, as much as I think they should be blamed for it. It's a confusing world, eh? I'm sure I'll go back and watch all of the Swedish movie one day, but the American one is just as good and half an hour shorter.
Next up: RED.
Sunday, 31 October 2010
All Hallow's Eve...
I've never liked Hallowe'en. It's got a stupid name, a stupid non-history and an even stupider gimmick. But hey, people like it and it's all... I dunno... fancy-dress-y? Personally I've never gotten on with the majority of publicly celebrated annual occasions, with the exceptions of Bonfire Night and New Years. Those two I have an appreciation for, but not the rest, especially not Hallowe'en.
This year was nightmareish. After just having finished the agonisingly long run of My Fair Lady all week at the Corn Exchange, we had 'Hallowe'en Hullabaloo' in the Newbury Marketplace just outside, which featured live (not very good) music, a wandering magician, face painting, puppet making, tomfoolery, child vomitting and eighty thousand requests for pretentious coffee.
And kids. Lots of kids.
I hate kids. With a burning passion. There are few things I detest more than having to deal with lots and lots of children, but one of them is having to deal with their parents. Eugh.
But anyway, the real funtimes of this trip down to newbury was friday/saturday. A big shout out to my belov'd friend Idge, who turned the youthful and bounding age of 34 this week and we then had party times on friday night. Now, I was working friday night from 5 until 9:30 (which then turns into 10). I get across to the Canal Bar just after I've finished and join in the revelries, with (really good) live music, lots and lots of people I know and general good times. We get turfed out of the Canal Bar around midnight, as they wish to shut, and it's left to me and Kerry to make sure that Adam (Idge's fella, who had been drinking since about 5) got from the Canal Bar to the Snooty Fox, about 2 minutes walk away. This in itself was a nigh-on Herculean task, as was the ongoing process of keeping an eye on him until half 2, but all that was eclipsed by the neccessity to get him back home at that time, for which we owe eternal thanks to Jen (whom I'm ashamed to say I was not to kind too back in our college days).
So after navigating Adam home and making sure he'd passed out in the living room, I walked Jen back to the pub, found that it had just closed up, walked her back home and then set about going out to find Wiggy, my distant cousin and Rios' colleague. Found him at about 5:00 in the morning, managed to convince him to come back to Jen's, where he slept on the sofa. I then trapsed back to Emma's, where I was staying, to partake in a particularly satisfying hour and a half's sleep. I then staggered down to Rios, in order to open up the place for 10am and cover Wiggy's shift for him, since he was in no state to do it himself! I was supposed to be working at the Corn Exchange at 7pm and to my amazement, Wiggy was there at 5 to take over. I headed over to work early in order to chill out and have a drink before I started, only to be pressed into service at 5:30 and made to go and be useful. I finished at 11:30, then proceeded back to Rios to make sure that Wiggy was okay shutting the shop. Apparently, I'm *really* helpful.
That day lasted a good 39 hours.
Man, this has been a long post.
THE SOCIAL NETWORK.
First off, I just wanna say that this is one of the top three movies of the year (the other two being Inception and Four Lions). There is no competition for this movie in terms of sheer nerd-cool, script quality or acting performances. I mean, this is two hours of nerds complaining about money and facebook... and it's AMAZING.
I think this is down to the Four Principal Genius Men of this movie. Without these four guys, this film wouldn't have been good, or even in existence, really. I'm pretty sure that producers only went for this movie because they saw the potential for these four names to be attached to this movie. They are:
1) Aaron Sorkin (Writer, also the creator of the West Wing)
2) David Fincher (Director, also did Seven and Fight Club)
3) Jesse Eisenberg (Actor, from Rodger Dodger, oh yes!)
4) Trent Reznor (Composter, frontman of Nine Inch Nails)
That's four pretty hefty names going in there, all of them seriously pull their weight for this movie, there's nothing about any of their work that I can criticise. Jesse Eisenberg is a serious rising star with a lot of potential, he's everything that Michael Cera will never be (talented, likeable, in possession of a broken voice) and he's got one hell of a career ahead of him. Fincher is an uncompromising director whose quick and ruthless visual style gives us everything we need and a hundred extra little details if you want to catch them. Reznor's just great. His inclusion of Hall of the Mountian King was inspired.
But of course, I'm a writer, so I look to the writer the most. Sorkin is one of the best working at the moment, the West Wing is still his masterpiece creation, but this is up there with it. The script for this movie is so snappy, packed and glib that it's hard to believe just how much of it he managed to pack in there. It's very fast paced, skipping over whole swathes of time in the blink of an eye in some places, but at precise, almost surgical intervals. This is one of the best scripts I've ever seen, proof that you can write a great film about any subject, no matter how trivial and irrelevant it might appear to be.
On a casting note (apart from Eisenberg), it was sheer inspired. Armie Hammer carries off the best supporting character(s) award for playing the Winklevoss twins, Garfield shows promise for Spiderman and would you believe it Justin Timberlake is actually good at this acting lark.
To sum up this movie (going back to my old method of not talking about movies I actually like), at the last scene, where Zuckerberg is sitting and refreshing his webpage, I could quite happily sit there and watch that for another half hour. I wanted more of this movie. Enough said.
Next post: Let Me In.
This year was nightmareish. After just having finished the agonisingly long run of My Fair Lady all week at the Corn Exchange, we had 'Hallowe'en Hullabaloo' in the Newbury Marketplace just outside, which featured live (not very good) music, a wandering magician, face painting, puppet making, tomfoolery, child vomitting and eighty thousand requests for pretentious coffee.
And kids. Lots of kids.
I hate kids. With a burning passion. There are few things I detest more than having to deal with lots and lots of children, but one of them is having to deal with their parents. Eugh.
But anyway, the real funtimes of this trip down to newbury was friday/saturday. A big shout out to my belov'd friend Idge, who turned the youthful and bounding age of 34 this week and we then had party times on friday night. Now, I was working friday night from 5 until 9:30 (which then turns into 10). I get across to the Canal Bar just after I've finished and join in the revelries, with (really good) live music, lots and lots of people I know and general good times. We get turfed out of the Canal Bar around midnight, as they wish to shut, and it's left to me and Kerry to make sure that Adam (Idge's fella, who had been drinking since about 5) got from the Canal Bar to the Snooty Fox, about 2 minutes walk away. This in itself was a nigh-on Herculean task, as was the ongoing process of keeping an eye on him until half 2, but all that was eclipsed by the neccessity to get him back home at that time, for which we owe eternal thanks to Jen (whom I'm ashamed to say I was not to kind too back in our college days).
So after navigating Adam home and making sure he'd passed out in the living room, I walked Jen back to the pub, found that it had just closed up, walked her back home and then set about going out to find Wiggy, my distant cousin and Rios' colleague. Found him at about 5:00 in the morning, managed to convince him to come back to Jen's, where he slept on the sofa. I then trapsed back to Emma's, where I was staying, to partake in a particularly satisfying hour and a half's sleep. I then staggered down to Rios, in order to open up the place for 10am and cover Wiggy's shift for him, since he was in no state to do it himself! I was supposed to be working at the Corn Exchange at 7pm and to my amazement, Wiggy was there at 5 to take over. I headed over to work early in order to chill out and have a drink before I started, only to be pressed into service at 5:30 and made to go and be useful. I finished at 11:30, then proceeded back to Rios to make sure that Wiggy was okay shutting the shop. Apparently, I'm *really* helpful.
That day lasted a good 39 hours.
Man, this has been a long post.
THE SOCIAL NETWORK.
First off, I just wanna say that this is one of the top three movies of the year (the other two being Inception and Four Lions). There is no competition for this movie in terms of sheer nerd-cool, script quality or acting performances. I mean, this is two hours of nerds complaining about money and facebook... and it's AMAZING.
I think this is down to the Four Principal Genius Men of this movie. Without these four guys, this film wouldn't have been good, or even in existence, really. I'm pretty sure that producers only went for this movie because they saw the potential for these four names to be attached to this movie. They are:
1) Aaron Sorkin (Writer, also the creator of the West Wing)
2) David Fincher (Director, also did Seven and Fight Club)
3) Jesse Eisenberg (Actor, from Rodger Dodger, oh yes!)
4) Trent Reznor (Composter, frontman of Nine Inch Nails)
That's four pretty hefty names going in there, all of them seriously pull their weight for this movie, there's nothing about any of their work that I can criticise. Jesse Eisenberg is a serious rising star with a lot of potential, he's everything that Michael Cera will never be (talented, likeable, in possession of a broken voice) and he's got one hell of a career ahead of him. Fincher is an uncompromising director whose quick and ruthless visual style gives us everything we need and a hundred extra little details if you want to catch them. Reznor's just great. His inclusion of Hall of the Mountian King was inspired.
But of course, I'm a writer, so I look to the writer the most. Sorkin is one of the best working at the moment, the West Wing is still his masterpiece creation, but this is up there with it. The script for this movie is so snappy, packed and glib that it's hard to believe just how much of it he managed to pack in there. It's very fast paced, skipping over whole swathes of time in the blink of an eye in some places, but at precise, almost surgical intervals. This is one of the best scripts I've ever seen, proof that you can write a great film about any subject, no matter how trivial and irrelevant it might appear to be.
On a casting note (apart from Eisenberg), it was sheer inspired. Armie Hammer carries off the best supporting character(s) award for playing the Winklevoss twins, Garfield shows promise for Spiderman and would you believe it Justin Timberlake is actually good at this acting lark.
To sum up this movie (going back to my old method of not talking about movies I actually like), at the last scene, where Zuckerberg is sitting and refreshing his webpage, I could quite happily sit there and watch that for another half hour. I wanted more of this movie. Enough said.
Next post: Let Me In.
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